Harry Styles Imagines

31 - Love me back (au)

Love me back

*Harry's POV*

                                                 My feet are carrying me through the cold rain accompanied by thunderstorm, making trees and cars look scary whenever the dark night gets light up because of a silver lightning. The thunder is so loud, I have to cover my ears. The rain hits my face and my dripping wet curls are whipping my face whenever a cold gust of wind comes.

 I'm freezing and my body is shaking, not even my coat can keep me warm. The alcohol in my blood makes it ten times harder to find the house I have been looking for. I'm not drunk, I can still walk and think straight but my body feels heavier. It costs me more strength to move my legs in the storm.

 Finally, I arrive at the house, her house.

 My best friend.

 I need to see her and her beautiful face, her smile although I know she won't be smiling when she sees me, dripping wet from the rain. She doesn't need to see me as much as I need to see her. Her world doesn't light up when I look at her but mine does when she looks at me. Funnily enough, I still hope that I once will have this effect on her.

 I stand in front of her front door, debating with myself if I should ring the door bell or better turn around to  leave her alone. She made it clear but I'm desperate.

 Desperate for her.

 I look up in the sky and in the same moment a lightning appears, I close my eyes immediately. I'm not scared of thunderstorm but I'm also not really fond of them. I turn back to the door and raise my hand, placing it on the bell but I don't ring it. Something prevents me from doing it—maybe the fear of rejection? I wouldn't be rejected by her for the first time but it hurts every time. And every time a bit more than the last one.

 What if he is with her? What if I'm going to interrupt them? What if she doesn't want to see me again? I know she is home, I can see the lights glimmering in each room. She always does it when a thunderstorm is going on. Because she is scared of thunderstorm and I, as her best friend, liked to hold her when she was scared but now, now she has someone else to do that.

 An obnoxious jerk, if you ask me. But that is the thing: No one asked me. She just decided that she rather has this asshole around her than me. Rather some stupid bugger than her best friend who knows her better than everyone else. She wants this stupid fool to call her his, to take my place, although I never even had the right to call her mine. I just did it, secretly, inwardly.

 I sigh, taking all the strength from my body and ring the door bell. I can't hear what is going on inside because the thunder is too loud. But then I see a shadow walking towards the front door. My heart swills up and my heartbeat goes faster, but my palms become sweaty and I bite my bottom lip. Then she opens the door, looking surprised when she sees me standing outside her house in the middle of the storm that is going on right now.

  "Harry..." She whispers, her voice so clear and loud in my ears, the sweetest melody I have ever heard. So angelic and unique; only her voice has this effect on me.

  "Angel..." I whisper back. I don't know why I called her 'angel'. I never did it before but it suits her. She looks like an angel who was damned to be on this earth and I'm damned to love her and to live with the fact that she won't love me back—not even if I try. I see her swallowing hard before slamming the door shut.

 Did she just slam the door in my face, leaving me in the cold storm? I thought about many ways how she would react, this was not one of them. I can still see her shadow behind the door. She didn't go, she still stands in front of me, merely a door is separating the two of us. My fists are banging against the wooden door, loud enough so that she soon will be annoyed from it. I know her, I know it will annoy her.

  "Open the door, please!" I scream over the loud noises from the rain and the knocking against the door. Minutes later, the door opens and I see her standing in front of me. Her blue eyes glimmering whenever a lightning comes, her cheeks have a rosy ton, her lips slightly trembling. I open my mouth to scream at her but my voice sounds hoarse and quiet.

  "Do you enjoy seeing me hurt?" I ask her and her eyes immediately become glossy at my words, "I'm your best friend for—what—ten years? And now, you push me away because of someone else! Do you know how much it hurts to see that your heart is taken by someone else? I want to be the one who you can love unconditionally. I want to be the only one for you."

 I don't care how desperate and pathetic I must sound because I am desperate, desperate for her to feel the same way. Desperate that she will finally see how fucking much I love her and how badly I want her to be mine. I want her to finally realize that I'm all she needs, wants and craves.

  "I mean why is it so hard to love me? Why was it so easy for me to fall for you but you...you can't love me back? Why? I just—I'm hopeless without you! Don't you see that?"

  "Harry, you are my best friend..."

  "What is so special about him? What is wrong with loving me?" I shout. The rain is hiding the tears that are streaming down my face but her tears are visible. I see them slowly running down her cheeks.

  "With you is nothing wrong."

  "Then why do you love him? He is a jerk! The biggest jerk I have ever seen if you ask me!"

  "I didn't ask you." She slowly answers, obviously scared of my loud voice, my body which is shaking of anger and despair.

  "I just want you to love me," I beg, my voice calmer now, "I want to hold you and be able to kiss you. I want to be able to treat you like a princess but you don't even give me a chance..."

 I stretch my arm out and, to my surprise,  she doesn't back away. I wipe her tears away and slowly caress her cheek. She leans her cheek in my hand and I take a step closer to her.

  "I wish you were mine," I whisper and my body warms up in the moment my hand touches her skin, "I wish I would be the only one for you, I wish...I wish you would crave me as much as I crave you."

 It makes no sense anymore to hold back. It doesn't make sense to not tell her how I'm feeling about her, afraid that it will ruin the 'us' we once had. Because it is already ruined. I ruined it when I told her for the first time that I loved her. Since then it was not the same with her anymore. It was awkward and tensed between us.

 I lean down. She knows what I will do and she knows she will break a rule, though, she stays. My lips ghost over hers, feeling the warmth and the smoothness. My heart is going to explode out of my chest. I dreamt to be so close to her and now I am, still under the wrong conditions. 

  "I'm so sorry," She whisper against my lips, warmed by hers, "But I can't love you the way you want me to."

 I shake my head, her forehead touching mine. I don't want her to say those words. Never did I meet a woman who is so cruel and so beautiful at the same time. A woman who I hate so much but then love so much that I cannot hate her. It is fucked up, really, and so difficult to explain and even harder for others to understand.

  "You have to leave now, Harry," She whispers and takes a step away from me. Coldness flies back to me, dragging all the warmth out of my body. Nodding, I step out of her house and into the rain, drowning my tears.

 She is not mine and she will never be.