Harry Styles Imagines

64 - Luck or Pain? (au)

PERSONAL IMAGINE

Luck or Pain?

                           We sit down on our chairs, Harry opposite me but it feels like I'm alone. It took us much force and fights to visit his mother for Christmas and to pretend that we are still so in love and everything is great and that Harry is the best husband I could ever wish for.

 Because it's not like that.

 In reality we do nothing else but scream at each other. Tears are streaming down our faces, hurtful words are spoken, doors are slammed shut, silence floods through the cold house when we decide to ignore each other. The last time we were happy, the last time we cuddled or he kissed me was months ago. I can barely remember the taste of his lips or the strength of his arms.

 At night when we lay in our bed together it still feels like I'm alone, as if there is a huge and thick wall between us, separating us. I want my Harry back. The clumsy and awkward Harry who I fell in love with. The Harry that I had before we got married. I never listened to people when they said that marriage is the worst we can do. Only the first year as a married couple will be great. I thought that wouldn't happen to me and Harry but here we are, sitting at the table with his parents and we have to pretend that we still are so into each other.

 I can see with how much force he puts his arms around my waist. But he does not kiss my cheek or hold my hand. I remember the time where he kissed me out of nowhere, even in front of his parents, but I can't remember the feeling anymore. I still love Harry, more than myself but it all went down hill and I somehow locked my feelings away or maybe they just fell asleep.

 We eat in silence until Harry drops his fork and it hits the ground whereupon I roll my eyes. Harry saw that and shoots me a death glare. I can barely hold the rude comment back that I would make when we would be at home.

 "Why are you rolling your eyes at me, Aizey?"

 "Because you can't even hold a fork."

 "Well, you can't even survive a night without seeking a fight."

 "I'm seeking a fight? You do. You could have just ignored me rolling my eyes but no, the holy Harry Styles had to call me out!"

 "I just asked you why you had to roll your eyes when I dropped a damn fork! I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you are!"

 "Harry, Aizey—"

 "Could you....could you excuse us for a minute?" Harry asks with a faked smile on his lips before he grabs my elbow and drags me out of the dining room, escaping the uncomfortable looking faces of his mother, his father and his sister.

 "I thought we had a deal! That we pull ourselves together for just this night!" Harry screams at me and I know his parents can still hear us but it's not like we care about that.

 "We wouldn't fight yet if you could just hold your damn fork without dropping it! What do your parents think now of you?"

 "I'm more worried what my parents think about us now! If you hadn't rolled your eyes I wouldn't have asked you why you did that! You are not in the position to act like you're any better than me! Just because I'm not 'as perfect as you' and do everything right and please everyone!"

 "Stop calling me perfect! You were the one who decided to ignore me the past few days for what reason? Oh right because I forgot to warm your meal before you came home! You ignored me because of food, you selfish asshole!"

 "Would just shut up for a damn second, Aizey? You blame for me everything! I'm doing everything wrong and you don't! Oh praise you, Aizey, I wish I could be as perfect as you are!"

 "Stop yelling at me!"

 "Shut up!" Harry screams and his flat hands meets my warm cheek, heated by the anger that is burning inside of me. A loud gasp echos through the room and when I look past Harry I see Anne standing in the hallway, covering her mouth with her hand.

 "Shit, Mom, I can explain this!" He says and goes after her as she left with tears on her face. And I'm standing here, alone, without anyone to comfort me. Harry slapped me but he is running after his mother, apologizing to her instead of me. No one is asking how I'm feeling after the love of my life hit me. My shoulder sink down and I feel so empty.

 Minutes later Harry stands in the living room but stops his walk as he sees me in the middle of the hallway, wiping my tears away. I can hear him coming closer but he holds a decent distance to me as if I had bitten him.

 "You hit me, Harry, but apologize to your mother? I'm standing here alone and hurt because my husband slapped me and you don't even try to apologize. Do I really mean nothing to you anymore? I mean we fight so much but did you really stop loving me?" I cry by now and wiping the tears doesn't help because there are always new one's.

 "Aizey—"

 "Why did you hit me? Harry, I just want to know why after that you can run back to your Mommy."

 "Because I'm an asshole, an idiot."

 "You really are. The biggest asshole of all assholes I've ever knew and trust me I know a lot assholes."

 "Baby." Harry whispers and my heart makes a jump, coming to life after months of sleeping. This is the first time Harry called me 'baby' again and my heart wants to flutter, I can feel it, but it's just still so tired from all the sleep it has gotten the last months.

 "The worst thing is we fought so much, way too much, about everything. It was so stupid and pointless but I still love you. I'm damned because I want to hate you so badly but I can't. My curse is to love you when I actually want to hate you. But all I do is feeling this tingly feeling when I look at you instead of hate. I always feel this desire to cuddle with you but I can't reach you because there's always this wall between us!" I'm crying so hard I don't think he can understand what I'm saying. But Harry iy crying as well and my heart reacts to it. My heart does not want to see Harry crying.

 "What does that mean, Aizey? I mean, for us?" Harry whispers.

 "One chance, Harry, but I'm not ready to give you a second one because you're already annoying the crap out of me." I say, giving him a little smile and after months of screaming the sound of his raspy chuckle fills my ears.

 Harry walks toward me and gives me a kiss on the forehead for a long time. We remain in this position, maybe even too long but I enjoy it and my heart is coming to life again because it flutters when I finally feel his lips on my skin again.

 "You're annoying, too, you know?" Harry chuckles and I join him for a second before I become serious again.

 "I mean it, Harry, don't do that again."

 "I love you too much for that."

 "You didn't a few minutes ago."

 "I did, I just forgot it."

 "I know that feeling." I mumble into his chest and he smells so good. How could I even forget his scent?

 "I know it now again," Harry tells me, "I mean I will never forget again that I love you."

 "Me too."

 "No fighting anymore?" Harry asks and leans a bit back so he can fully look at me.

 "Just love?" I ask and Harry nods. His lips touch mine, tenderly and softly, and I wish he would never stop. I want to remember this feeling forever. How could I even dare to forget or to allow my heart to fall asleep when I always had such an amazing man in front of me?

 "Sounds great, doesn't it?" Harry mumbles against my lips and slightly lifts me off the ground.

 "Sounds lovely." I say before the feeling of love overwhelms since I haven't felt it in so long. But Harry changed that, he woke me and we are back to being in love.