46 - Waiting for nothing

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by dearharold

by dearharold

Waiting for nothing

I walk over to Starbucks, some blocks away from my flat. It is pretty empty here, what is very unusual for Starbucks but the good thing is I don't have to wait so long for my coffee. The store bell rings again but I don't turn around to look who it is, at the end I don't care because that is not my cup of tea. After I got my coffee I want to walk out of Starbucks but I bump into someone.

"Oh god, I'm sorry."

"It's fine." A familiar voice says. Too familiar. The voice is raspy and deep and beautiful. I would always recognize this voice. I look up to see Harry. We both broke up a month ago because of tour and it got too much for me with him always being away. A wave of old feelings washes through my body. Good and bad feelings, happy and sad memories, everything that I experienced with him.

"Why so eager?"

"I...I just wanted to—" I can't end the sentence because Harry steps closer to me, "I need to go and—"

"I only have one question before you are going to leave; Do...do you still love me?" I can hear how nervous he is even if he tries to cover it up. After his question I hold my breath. I didn't expect him to ask me this question. I didn't expect to meet him at all, ever again. I wish I had time to prepare myself for this certain moment because I don't want him to know that I still love him. That makes things only more complicated.

"Harry..."

"I just want to know it. I just want to know if we still have a chance."

"I still love you but the thing with us—I guess this will never work." Meaning, we don't have a chance as much as I wish we had.

"I can wait for you if you want to think about us," Harry suggests and I look at him in confusion, "I'm not giving us up so easily. I can wait. I'm a patient person. I really am—I just—"

A smile forms on my lips when he said he is patient. Patient never was a word with what you could describe Harry. I admire how present his wish, to be with me again, is. But I told him that it won't work and not that I will think about this. Harry smiles at me and it warms me, in a weird way. I always loved this smile and I honestly still do. Shyly, I look away. To see this smile doesn't make things easier for me.

"I don't know," I breathe nescient and press my lips into a thin line, "You left me alone, Harry, when I needed you. I don't think this is how a relationship works."

"I'm here now. I'm always here for you even if we are not together, I'm here," Harry rambles with words, waving his arms around, "I won't leave again. I won't leave you and I won't make you leave me. We can talk and work this out. I know we can—it cannot—I mean you can't give us up."

His words make my heart melt because this is what I wanted to hear when I still was his, when he still was mine. His hand reaches for mine and I let him take it. I'm not able to think clear because my feelings for him are manipulating my head.

"I have to go, Harry." I tell him quietly and Harry nods.

Running away sounds good to me. Running away from Harry and the feelings I have for him. I did so well at getting over him and now he stands in front of me telling me he will be always here for me. His appearance brings memories back I desperately wanted to forget, which I crowded out of my mind because they hurt. The beauty of those memories hurts so much and didn't help me in the process of getting over Harry.

I pull my hand out of his grip and pass him. But before I can get out of Starbucks I stop because of Harry's words, because his voice is holding me back, trying to pull me back into his arms. I want to run back, wrap my arms around his body and hope that he will hold my tightly. Forever.

"You are worth the wait!" Harry yells after me and I look over my shoulder at him to meet his green eyes once again before I'm leaving the coffee shop. Waiting is a waste of time. He has nothing to wait because I'm coming back. It is over. We tried it once and we failed. We or rather I came to a conclusion that a us is not going to work. Ever.

We are over.