Adopted By The Cullen's

{Chapter 18} The Funeral

~not edited~

Chapter 18

“Hannah and I have already been in to see him. It doesn’t start until one. You have half an hour, if you want to go and see him before people start filing in. I know you’re gonna want some time alone with him.” Jonah told me. We’d been standing outside for ten minutes, catching up and introducing the Cullen’s. I still had Jace’s arms wrapped around me and I definitely needed the support. I nodded my head and moved out of Jace’s arms, but not before grabbing his hand and dragging him along with me. Jonah started at our hands in shock. He knew I didn’t like showing much emotion around people and he couldn’t understand why I would bring Jace with me to see my father.

We walked inside the church and I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

“What?” Jace asked.

“Part of me expected you to burn when you walked in.” I told him honestly.

“Gee, thanks.” Emmett said. I hadn’t realized they’d all followed us in.

“Just because we don’t have souls doesn’t mean –“ Jace started to say.

“You don’t have souls?” I asked. I was putting off talking to my father. I wasn’t sure why but I was nervous.

“No.” Edward said.

“I don’t believe that.” I whispered. I turned back around and looked down the aisle and my father’s casket. I took in a deep and shaky breath before slowly stepping forward. I walked down the red carpeting aisle until I was standing in front of three stairs. My heart started beating faster as I walked up to him. I put my sweaty hands on the edge of his casket and sighed. He looked just as I remembered him. His tousled blonde hair and fair skin, his beautiful green eyes closed. He wasn’t in a tux like I had expected him to be. Instead he was in his uniform, with all his badges pinned over his heart.

“Do you remember when I was little and I found your uniform in the closet?  I was old enough to understand what it was and you kept assuring me it was nothing when it was obvious I knew it was something. You told me you weren’t going away. I used to put your hat on and your jacket and attempt to pin your badges on but I’d end up pricking myself and mom would yell at me saying I’d poke an eye out. I argued that I was smart enough to keep both my eyes but she wasn’t convinced. Eventually you told me to stop playing with it because it brought back bad memories. It stayed in the back of your closet collecting dust and I never thought about it once after that. Until you got the call.” I bit my lip and walked over to the head of his casket where a stood sat. I dragged it over so I could sit down.

“Mom died and it ripped your heart out. You were so sad and Jonah and I wanted to help you but you kept pushing us and I understand why. I mean, when I lost you I wanted to push everyone away and curl up, alone, in a ball because it was so painful. I’m glad I didn’t though.

“I remember getting a call from you and you were asking how things were. How dance was going, how my grades were… how I was feeling. I didn’t tell you I’d cut. I didn’t tell you I was breaking. I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want to distract you. I didn’t even want to tell you about my cancer but I did because you said ‘Honey I know something is bothering you. You can open up to me. You can tell me anything. I’m here and I love you.’ I broke into tears and told you I had cancer. You were silent for a long time and I knew it was like her death all over again. I knew it was killing you… You did your best to pretend like you weren’t crying but I knew you were. ‘Losing your mom was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. Leaving you three kids was one of those things too. I can’t lose you, Sophie. I need you to stay healthy. I’ll be home soon. I want to see you dance. I want to watch you win Nationals. I want to see you all grown up. I want to see you smile and see you laugh. I don’t want to see you in a hospital bed. I don’t want to see you struggle to breathe. I don’t want to see you sick. I want to see you happy.’ What you said to me ripped me apart. I did my best, daddy. I stayed healthy like I promised.