Modest Delusions - Book 3 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 9 - Coast to coast the high seas echo, "it's not you it's me"

Coast to coast the high seas echo, “it’s not you it’s me”

“To…” Zayn looked pained. “To the band reuniting in two days,” at the end of his sentence he winced.  

Harry said nothing and as time seemed to pass by insufferably slowly everyone’s eyes were on him, anxiety welled up from the floor like gas consuming them all. Harry stared straight ahead, his mind was screaming at him in a blind panic and his thoughts so fast he had no chance of catching any of the words as they flew by. His eyes were wide, time had seemingly stopped and the music blared loudly the bass making his ribcage shake and his heart tremble, was his heart trembling for something else? 

Harry cracked his knuckles. 

Deep breath, ‘there’s nothing you can do about it.’ 

‘You can do this,’ his mind screamed.  

One… two… three, ‘he’s coming back!’

‘Stay in control,’ breathe out.

Another breath, ‘I’m okay.’

‘Don’t lose it.’ He reminded himself with faltering self control. 

Inhale, ‘everyone’s watching you. Don’t fall apart.’

Exhale, ‘it’s for the band, isn’t it?’

Head spinning, ‘You wanted this… didn’t you?’

The drugs felt effervescent within his veins, like popping candy each bubble tickled his skin and he was struck with heightened senses. At this point Harry felt radioactive, like an X-Men mutant taking in life from the edges of sanity, bursting with power and control. Fear teetered on the plateau of his mind and it was like a heavy, dark cloud hovering suddenly above him. With a deep breath Harry closed his eyes and with all the strength he embodied he shoved that darkness away, sending it tumbling back to the abyss of his subconscious. Everything around him was in high definition, Niall was watching him with dilated pupils and a pained expression. Zayn was staring at his drink as the ice began to melt around his scotch and Logan…

Logan was holding his breath as he looked at Harry from the corner of his eyes, hesitant and at a complete loss. Harry felt a small smile creep across his face, he was in control. Louis couldn’t control his life anymore, he refused to let it especially if she would be coming back too. 

The thought crippled him and his entire body stiffened. 

Ava. 

He snapped from his thoughts and Niall was clearing his throat as he leant across the small table, “Harry?”

Harry looked over at him with total disinterest and sighed, “Fine, I’m fine if that’s what you’re about to ask.”

“You’re obviously not,” Zayn replied and Logan shot him a menacing look. Niall nudged Zayn and he growled, “What…” he pointed to Harry. “He’s not fine, if you think he is you’re completely deluded.”

“Still here,” Harry rolled his eyes and with the flick of his wrist a waiter was at the table and taking his very long order. “Tequila shots, jagermeister and…” he paused stroking his chin for a moment. “A beer for me but shots for the whole table.”

Logan smirked behind his beer as he put it to his lips.  Harry smiled back but stayed silent and just waited for Niall to do the whole ‘are-you-really-sure-this-is-a-good-idea’ spiel. To Harry’s surprise he remained quiet and Harry just sighed. “So what,” he began looking over at Zayn. “The girlfriend coming too?” He never, ever used Ava’s name and by this point they were all painfully aware of the awkwardness that would come with the small honey blonde.