A/N: I have homework and I don't wanna do it. So I'll update!! Title is pronounced Teers And Tairs. Also, warning self harm. You're welcome!!
Dirk POV
I woke up and instantly didn't want to live.
I rolled over to see my phone had 5 missed calls and 3 unread messages, all from Sollux.
Hey, where did you go?
Dirk?
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you loved me...
"Fuck..." I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my face and getting up. I went to the bathroom, turning on the sink and rushing cold water over my face. I gasped at the freezing water, still pushing it over my face.
I dried off my face, looking at myself in the mirror and noticing a hickey close to my collar bone. I hated that Sollux left this, but I needed it to make Jake jealous.
I went back to the main room, picking up my phone and calling Sam.
*tiredly* Hello?
Sam?
Dirk? The fuck do you want? It's early.
It's 9:30
Shut the fuck up what do you want?
Is Jake still there?
Yeah, why?
Great, I'll be there soon
Don't think you're coming here without doing something
Pancakes, got it
Nuh uh honey, bacon too and we have a deal
Fine
Now get your tight ass over here
I got dressed, getting in my car and driving off to Sam's.
I get there, walking up to the door and knocking. Soon after to see Sam open the door. "Jake is here but Karkat left. Get your ass in here and start cooking." Sam said, clearly still tired.
We get to the kitchen where we start to repeat what happened yesterday. Sam makes the coffee and I start on the pancakes. "Mmm, hey honey. Hi Dirk, smells good." Porrim said, walking into the kitchen and kissing Sam, taking a cup of coffee from her. "Dirk called and wanted to come over so I made him cook." Sam said to Porrim, turning around and pouring a new cup of coffee. "You know, you don't have to cook. Just coming here is fine." Porrim said, walking to my side and watching me flip pancakes. "It's fine, I don't cook lately so this is good practice to keep me good." I said, smiling at her and putting the cooked pancakes on the plate. "Ok honey." She said, leaning up and giving my cheek a kiss.
"Welp, I'm eating. Jake, come get food!" Sam yelled, taking a plate and some pancakes and bacon. "Ugh!" I head Jake from the living room. I heard heavy foot steps coming into the kitchen and I could smell his cologne. "Mmm, hey Dirk." Jake said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Hey." I said, looking down at his hands on my waistband. "Pancakes and bacon today." I said, pointing my spatula towards the food on the counter. "Smells good." He said, letting go of me and taking some food.
After I finished the last of the batter and bacon I got my food and sat down. "It's really good Dirk. Thank you." Porrim said, smiling at me. "Anytime." I smiled back, eating my food. I moved my arm subtly until my short moved and my hickey could be seen better.
"Dirk, is that a hickey?" Sam asked, smiling at me. "Yeah, Sollux probably left it." I said, running my fingers over it. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see Jake staring at it. "Oh yeah, I can see the faint fang marks. Cute." He said, chuckling and returning to his food.
It didn't work. He doesn't care. He really just wants to fuck. God how could I be so stupid? I don't want to be here anymore. It doesn't matter anymore. He doesn't love me and I am not going to be his toy. My food was basically gone so I got up, throwing the rest of it away. "Hey I gotta go. Thanks for having me over though." I said, walking back out to the table. "Oh? You can stay." Porrim said, finishing her food too. "Nah I gotta go to my viewing of my new apartment and I have to model today." I said, making up excuses. The viewing wasn't for another 4 hours and I don't work until next week. "Oh, ok. Thank you for cooking for us." Porrim said, getting up and giving me a hug. "Yeah, no problem." I said, holding back tears.
I got to the door, slipping on my shoes. "Bye honey, come by anytime." Sam said, hugging me too. "Yeah, thanks for breakfast babe." Jake said, hugging me and nuzzling his face in my neck by my hickey. "Yeah, anytime." I said, tears filling my eyes. I felt a wet, tingly sensation go though my neck then it hit me. Jake licked my hickey. He pulled away, walking back to the couch. I turned around and rushed out.
I got to my car, tears steaming down my face. I rushed off to my motel room.
Once I got there I burst in, slamming the door shut. I went to my box of things I got from Jake's a few days ago. I got out a smaller box that looked almost like a ring bow and opened it, seeing my old friend. My razor.
I went to the bathroom, closing the door and sitting on the toilet. I put out my left fore arm and placed the razor against it. I used to hate this, that's why I stopped, but an addict is an addict. I kept this for rainy days. I pushed down on my arm, ripping the razor across my skin. I gasped at the initial feeling, soon getting an all too familiar warm sensation. I stare where the small metal piece opened and smiled slightly at the blood gathering. I didn't want to, but I was numb to logic now. I brought the razor back up and did it again. And again. And again. Never deep enough.
By the time I had 5 streaks of blood coming down my arm I was getting dizzy. I got up, putting a black towel to my arm. I went to my box, getting out bandage and wrapping up my arm. "I'm so fucking dumb..." I said, backing up to a wall, sliding down it, sitting on the floor, and crying. "I'm so sorry Jake..." I whispered, crying more.
I got up, going to the bathroom, cleaning my razor, putting it away, and laying on the bed. "I'm sorry..." I whispered one more time, falling asleep quickly.
A/N: Okay, good bye for like a week or two
