Lunatic (l.s)

Chapter 5- Z

The voices had started at the mere age of 12, it was like standing in an empty cave and having thousands of people whispering loudly, and the voices echoing and bouncing around the walls, overlapping each other until the noises were unbearable. No matter how many times he'd tell his parents about the voices, they'd ignore him, they'd brush it off. It was the first sign of schizophrenia. The anger had started soon after, it was easy to control at first. He'd just push it to the back of his mind, toss it into an imaginary trash can. Except, every time that he'd get angry or triggered, he'd continue stuffing the emotions to the back of his head. He was emotionless, but the more he pushed it back, the louder the voices got. The voices would tell him to be angry, feel the anger. But Zayn was terrified of the anger, because sure, he'd felt anger before but this was something else. The anger that would pulse through him would make his finger tips tingle, and his chest burst in flames, his throat would close up, and his blood would rush through his system fast. It was blinding white, sometimes it'd even paralyse him. 

From the age of 12 to the age of 19, he'd keep it bottled inside, but everything explodes eventually once overstuffed. It just happened to be the one night he was out in public. He would have blamed the alcohol in his system but there was none yet. He had the drinks waiting at the bar, but he'd been too busy watching his best friend talking closely to his girl, his hands resting on her hips. She was drunk already, oblivious to how close he was, and how close Zayn was to the edge. Zayn always carried a gun with him, whether it was hidden beneath his leather jumper, or in his combat boots. He wore them because his voices would warn him about the dangers of modern day society. Zayn kept fighting the rage that was pooling in his stomach, he fought it off as it spread to every inch of his body, his hands shaking and his legs aching. He kept his distance, went outside and had a smoke or 5. He even punched a brick wall, busting the skin slightly. It didn't kill off the anger, it was just getting stronger. He knew it was happening, because he could feel himself losing all sanity, and it genuinely was terrifying. 

He could feel his mind sinking in the rage that was taking over his body, and soon enough, the voices had exploded from the glass cage they'd been trapped in. They were deafening, screaming at Zayn, telling him that if he didn't get in there and kill the man, he'd lose his girl for the rest of his life. He sat in the alley way, trying his hardest to calm himself down until he couldn't breathe properly. It was poison, slowly filling his blood stream, drowning his mind, filling his every thought. It seemed that in that moment when he looked down at his bleeding knuckles, all sanity had disappeared. It was all so fast, yet so slow. He had stood up, marched right into the bar, and he saw his mates mouth on Kelsy's mouth, and he didn't even hesitate to pull the gun that was buried deep in his jacket. The screams of realisation from around him were silenced by the shouting in his head. He marched right over to the bar, and placed a shoulder on the man's shoulder. He turned around, eyes glazed over and cheeks flushed. 

"You fucking messed with the wrong person," Zayn managed to spit, his voice strained, veins in his neck protruding and eyes burning into his friends face. 

Before anyone could speak, her raised the gun and pulled the trigger, just within a second. Except he held the body up with one hand, and shot again, until there were two open wounds in the man's head and blood pooling onto the floor, blood splattered all over himself and blood all over his girlfriend. The voices were automatically silenced, everything was silenced, slowed down. He stared at the body that he held up with one clenched hand, and his clenched fist, relaxed. He didn't step back as the body fell limp at his feet. He looked straight at Kelsy and she just stared back, green eyes wide with terror, filled with tears. She had dropped the glass that was in her hand, and the floor was covered in alcohol and shards of glass. Zayn had reached forward, and she flinched. Zayn was so numb, so quiet, for the first time in ever.