Lunatic (l.s)

Chapter 9- L

The thing is about this place is that you quite literally have no concept of time, if it weren't for the sun that shone through the tiny windows of our cells or common rooms, we would never know whether it'd be day or night. I haven't really wanted to leave my cell because I'm too afraid to leave the fucking room. I made a mistake the other day, I would say when, but once again the fact I have no concept of time stops me. It could be days, weeks. Probably not months, because I'd probably have a beard by now. I've gotten considerably worse, if I think about it. I haven't eaten a decent meal in a long time, and the hunger pains are unbearable. I kept a sheet from my razors that I popped out, hidden in the springs of my bed. I've been using it a lot, too much. I've become addicted to the sudden rush of numbness that takes over me during the moments of self-harming. This place is supposed to be rehabilitation for the mentally unstable but this place is so horrible, it makes me want to kill myself even more. I haven't heard anything from my parents, or Stan or anybody. I'm alone and I'm getting closer and closer to killing myself. It's been probably weeks now, since I had even seen my mother and I'm starting to forget what she sounds like. I'm forgetting what the outside world is like. I feel sorry for the people that have been here for ages, and I feel worse for the people who are going to rot away in here, forgotten to the world outside forever. I have a friend, I think, he's going to die in here. He's never going to be forgotten in society but he's basically dead already and he'll just be a myth for everyone to joke about. His name is Harry and I made a mistake with him. I kissed him and he kissed me back. He left within 30 seconds of the kiss, without a word being said. I should have known it would happen because Harry isn't gay. He loved someone a lot, and I know how much he loved Jade, because he always talks about her in the most adoring way. I felt like that once upon a time, and I still do, but Stan ruined me. I hope he realises that Jade won't ever come back because he needs to realise and take responsibility for killing the one person he cared about. He's really strange. One minute he can be the most witty and kind person and the next he can be violent, scary and murderous. I don't want to run into him ever again and I just hope to god I accidently overdose on my medication because I'll have to leave me room soon. My guard wants me now. I better go. Goodbye, for now.

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Louis finishes his sentence before posting it onto his blog, that he finds useless but has to do it anyway, his arms hurt and his neck aches from the position that he's been sitting in for the past few hours, because it had taken him so long to write the journal entry. Liam leans on the wall, a few meters behind Louis, arms folded over his chest, and muscles bulging through his coat. When Louis stands up and turns to Liam, Liam gives him a sympathetic smile and it's without question that Liam probably read that entire post and before Louis could even ask, Liam holds his hand up a bit, and the shiny metal sheet that had been digging into Louis' skin so many times before, flashes in front of him. Louis exhales and tries to hide the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and the sudden anxiety that's rushing through him because that was the only thing that was keeping him sane in this fucked up place. Liam's eyes are warm and friendly, the friendliest Louis has come to meet ever here, and Liam definitely is the kindest person. Even though Liam was a guard to this asylum, he and Louis had bonded and talked quite a bit. Liam knew a lot about Louis, basically his entire life story and Louis knew about Liam's shamble of a love life, but hadn't yet learnt that Harry and Liam were related. Liam wishes he could tell Louis, but he can't because it could possibly ruin his career at this asylum. Liam loved Harry, and he knew what his brother was capable of, and once reading the post Louis had made about kissing Harry, he could see the warning signs. He needed to protect Louis, get him away from Harry. Liam wishes he could tell Louis, tell him everything he's ever known about Harry and how Harry has taught himself to hide his psychopathic tendencies behind a smile and silence. Harry's a manipulative person, and will lie and smile his way into someone's head and will attack, and Liam knows this. The thought of someone as innocent, kind and messed up as Louis becoming involved with someone like Harry makes Liam feel like he's having a panic attack.