Tutoring the Alpha

Chapter Sixteen: Heart of Darkness

                   I leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up viciously, my stomach wrenching and my throat constricting as I coughed and spit all over the linoleum. My insides clenched painfully, and with a low groan I sat back up and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. After the nurse hurriedly cleaned up the mess I'd made and handed me a glass of water, I settled back in my bed and looked at the people around me. My gaze was met with a roomful of complete and utter silence. The bartender looked horrified, his uneasy frown expressing his obvious desire to have never met me. Mickey's eyes were wide, his lips parted in shock and probably horror at what I'd done. And Sam...well, as Sam turned to look at me, I could see the disgust clearly behind the black rims of his glasses.

"Uh...okay. Thank you," I said woodenly to the nurse, who nodded quickly before she left. I scrambled to my feet, sliding on my damp jacket and stepping into my shoes. Fluffing my brown curls up above my collar, I kept my eyes cast down in fear of accidentally looking at any of the boys in the room.

"I-I'm so sorry, Benny. I can't believe that," the bartender said quietly, leaning forward to give me a soft hug.

"Thanks." 

"I guess I'll see you around then? I trust that these guys can get you home safely," he mumbled, stepping towards the door.

"Yeah, um, thank you again, you know, for tonight. I never did catch your name though."

"Max. I'll see you, Benny," the bartender said, and with a wave, he swiftly exited the room. And then there were two, I thought wryly, swiveling to regard Sam first with beseeching eyes.

"So...not pregnant," I joked, pointing at myself with two thumbs and forcing a smile. "That's a relief." 

"Relief? Benny, did you...know that you were pregnant?" Sam whispered, his eyebrows furrowed and horror and disbelief beginning to creep into his tone to join the disgust that was already there.

"I-I mean - not entirely."

"Not entirely?"

 "Mick-Mickey told me earlier tonight, but I didn't believe him! You have to know, Sam - I didn't honestly think I was pregnant!"

 "But you still suspected it! Benny, you knew there was a chance that you were pregnant, and you went out and drowned your sorrows in alcohol? How could you be so stupid and reckless?" Sam shouted, gesturing between me and Mickey angrily.

 "Because too much was happening at once! I didn't know - I didn't think-"

"That's damn right you didn't think. You didn't think about the child you could be carrying. You didn't think about how Mickey would feel about you going out and getting drunk. You didn't think that you could be killing the life inside of you!"

"Sam, please-"I begged, my voice breaking as I began to cry. Hot, salty tears streamed down my cold cheeks, and I shot a glance at Mickey, whose face was stony and emotionless as he listened to Sam yell at me.

 "You killed your baby, Benny! You killed that child before it even had a chance to grow. Just because you were having a bad day? I just...I can't believe you would be that stupid and selfish," he spat, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head slightly, almost as if to himself.

 "What about abortions? People 'kill' their children all the time-" 

"That's different and you know it. That's medical, that's planned, that's right. Making a bad decision that gets someone killed is just selfish and irresponsible and - horrible." Sam's voice cracked on the last word, and as he backed away from me, I felt a heavy ball of dread slam into me as if it had been slowly approaching for a long time and only just now hit me. This could be the end of our friendship. I didn't think it was possible, but...this could do it.

"Goodbye, Benny. I'm done," Sam said lowly, spinning on his heel and storming out of the hospital room as a gush of tears cascaded down my face and splashed onto my lap. My bottom lip shook uncontrollably as I sobbed, my palms vainly trying to shield my shameful self from the father of the child I'd just killed. I killed our baby. I killed her. 

"Benny. I'm not gonna say I'm not mad. I can't say it. But I don't hate you. I understand that we were in a weird place earlier when I told you that, and then I left. So...I don't blame you for what happened. You have a right to go get drunk if you want, and I don't sincerely believe you thought, even for a second, that you were pregnant. So don't blame yourself. Don't, Benny," Mickey told me softly, pulling me into his arms as I let out another heavy sob and my hands shot out to cling onto his shirt like he was catching me as I fell.

***                                            ***                                     ***

                       The next day was no better than the other ones; I went through my daily ritual of classes, volunteering, and tutoring, but none of it felt real. When it came time for Spanish class, I sat in the back row and kept my head low, as usual, with music blasting in my ears. Mickey sat beside me, his face impassive even when he looked over at me. Things between us weren't great, but they were better. The amount of guilt that wracked me every time I looked at him however...don't go there, Benny. Not right now at least.

"Señorita, may I speak with you after class?" Señora said to me quietly as she handed me my most recent test, and I silently cursed my life. How come all the bad things that could go wrong are doing so right now. Why not next month? Turning over the pile of papers, my heart sunk when I saw the bright red 58 on the front. Tears welled up in my eyes, more out of anger at the world than at the bad grade, but when the bell rung, I trudged up to the front of the class and listened patiently while the teacher lectured me on my poor class attendance, concentration, and participation. I only tuned in, however, when she told me that if I didn't get a passing grade on the exam in two weeks, I would fail her class and that would affect my GPA. Dammit.

"Is there anything I could do? Since I'm so behind?"

"I'm sorry, Señorita, but only if you pass the exam."

                 Storming out of her classroom, I brushed away the tears dripping down my cheeks and decided I needed to get serious about my classes again. No more Mickey. No more werewolves. Back to the basics. This is what I came here to do.

"Benny! Benny, wait," Mickey called after me, grabbing my arm and falling into step beside me.

"What?" I snapped, harsher than I'd intended.

 "I think I can help you out. I have a friend that's bilingual - Spanish was his first language. He could probably help you out, you know, get you prepared for your exam."

"Are you serious? That'd be great, um...thank you, Mickey. I know you don't have to be so kind to me and I-I do appreciate it," I told him gently, smiling softly and patting him on the shoulder before I took off again. I needed time to think, to be alone. I need time to figure out what I'm doing.

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Thanks for reading! Please vote, and COMMENT! sorry its so short and so late! But thanks and please tell me what you think :) xoxoxo 

PSA - It's been a while since I wrote this chapter, and after seeing some of your guys' comments about Benny's drinking and Sam's opinion on abortion, I just want to say this one VERY IMPORTANT THING:

This is not the place to have a discussion about abortion. I'm sorry if you disagree with what Sam says in the story, or it angers or offends you or in any other way upsets you. I am so sorry. That said, please refrain from commenting with your personal views on abortion or I will be forced to report your comments. Thank you.