Her
I wished for this trip to end flawlessly awesome. Nothing but good vibes. It should be about me. I think it's not so bad to be selfish sometimes. Even just for this vacation, it's for my birthday anyway. I already went to some of the places i longed to visit. Met genuine people and some cute little dogs too. I even cosplay again for the halloween which I haven't done for a very long time now and I love it. How I wish this trip will not end too soon. I missed this freedom. I mean, the stardom I've been experiencing is surreal. It's a dream come true. And I'm really thankful that God has finally answered my prayers. That's the reason I work so hard for my fans to thank them as well. I love them. They give me strength. They make me feel loved. I don't care how many haters I have as long as I have my loving fans. Tho I love working, I really missed this feeling of being normal again. I wish every now and then I can do this. No spotlight, no judgemental people around waiting for my failure. No pressure at all. It even crossed my mind to ask the management for extension. But don't wanna take them for granted because they are already nice to even consider giving me a break for my birthday week vacation even though we're on the peak of taping important scenes. I am grateful.
And now, on my last night here in Seoul.. i wanted it to be so memorable. We already planned to go to Lotte Park. I can't remember the last time I went to an amusement park. I think it was back then our Book Adaptation movie days. I should be having fun right now because sooner or later we'll be in Manila again. So seize the moment while it lasts.But honestly I can't. I seriously can't. I am now sulking in the corner of the guest room, holding my phone in my hand and confused of what's going on.
I thought, what was that all about? Is it true? If yes then what was he thinking? How can he be that careless? I wanna call him and ask him what the hell happened? I wanna ask him the truth. The hell I wanna know the truth! But can I take it? I sighed. I don't know anymore. I have so many questions but I don't have the guts to call him. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I should've wait til we get back home to face the reality again. I shouldn't logged in just to be bombarded with comments and sorry messages about me getting dumped. That finally I'm gonna be out of the picture soon. I was like "wtf".
I heard curiosity kills a cat. I am no cat tho but it feels like me being curious of what was happening back there in Manila will gave me a heart attack. I don't know what will happen next.
Jack and Julienne
I typed in search engine.
Sure they went out. Same circle of friends. Loves partying. But to make out? Woah. Okay? Leveled up. Then I thought, it must be because of alcohol. Yes that must be it. Besides alcohol makes people careless. But why should I care tho? It's not we're in a relationship or anything. But then I realized I have the right to care. Right? Our love team will be jeopardized. I mean, we don't intend to lead on our fans for false rumors about us being together. Last thing we want to happen is to lie just for the sake of our fans desire. We are just best of friends but not lovers. I don't think we'll ever be a couple anyway. We both know that we don't like each other romantically. Never will be.
I looked at some photoshopped photos of them and thought that maybe, just maybe they are already official. They've been linked before. It's not the first time. They look good together anyway. Both good looking. If they end up paired together and me getting out of the picture, it'll be easy for them to continue their relationship.
If he is happy, I know I will be.
Just one more thought that's been bothering me is that I can't see myself paired up with another guy anymore. It's been so long since I've teamed up with another guy before JaLine. I can't imagine myself acting all lovey dovey with another actor not unless it's Jack. It's just feels so natural with him. We've been through so much. From his music video to our first television series. I'm so comfortable with him. He is my comfort zone. But now, our love team is on the verge of breaking.
I can't help but to overthink.
I wonder if he even thought of the consequences beforehand. Or thought about me atleast.
All I thought was that we're partners in crime.
But maybe this time I'm wrong.
-♡♡-
All I Ask by Adele
