The Sleeper Cells: A Terrorism Story

Chapter 13: Something More

We pull away from each other, and I think that's the right thing to do.

"Vince, I don't know... I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You can't help the way you feel. My commitment is with someone else right now. It has to be."

"I wouldn't ever ask you to do that. I would never ask anyone to just ditch someone like that. You can't leave people out to dry. You can't leave them behind. You have to love. You don't know what's going to happen. They could be gone in just a second." Kennedy brushes away water from under her eye, and I don't think it's from the rain.

"You're absolutely right, Ken. You also have to do what's right for you, though." I rub my hand down her soft cheek that I've come too familiar with. "When we're out of this crazy atmosphere, we have to know to be smart. Just because you make someone a priority and hold their hand doesn't mean it's right. If you're not true to yourself, it's not worth it. It's just not. Don't ever make excuses for yourself. You'll always end up falling, end up changing. Start off doing what you think you have to. Don't ever make excuses for yourself," I tell her again.

She nods her head and her bottom lip quivers from the cold. I grab her and pull her close. I can feel her heart beat. Beating perfectly at the same rate as mine.

"Thank you. So much, Vince."

"Don't thank me," I tell her as I get up from the ledge and step away, "go to bed. Titus and Owen are coming to watch."

Kennedy reaches for me. Locking hands, I grab her and pull her up. Her wet hair falls in front of her eyes just enough to hide her emotional state, but I know exactly what she's feeling.

We walk to opposite sides of the barn, where I know she is trying to distract herself from all the emotions and memories she's having. She lost everyone she loves, yet she continues to push forward and stay strong.

I notice Lindsey lying on the hard, cold wood alone. I sit beside her, resting against the horribly uncomfortable wall. I reach for her hand out of habit. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore...

Before the sleepers attacked us, I was there for her because I was simply used to it. Now, I feel like it's something that will keep her going. She's like a car without any gas.

Just as my hand starts to intertwine with hers, she pulls away. She sits up and curls into a ball against the other wall of the corner, facing me.

"I don't want either of us to die," she tells me. She shakes her head and glares into my eyes. It's totally different than what I just saw in Kennedy's eyes. Kennedy was rich with passion. She was overflowing with this desire to be more, to be strong. Lindsey on the other hand, seems dark, almost empty inside. She just said she doesn't want either of us to die, but I think on the inside, one of us already has.

"Lindsey, I don't want either of us to die either. We can make it."

"Well, from all this crap going on, I don't know anymore. Caspian being so violent and wild, losing Sage, Rose left me, and then my—my..." Lindsey puts her head in her hands and gasps for air.

"I understand." I lied. I don't understand what it's like to lose your parents. I can't imagine it, and I don't want to. I have no idea where they are, or if they're making it, but they're fighters. I have faith in them. And I think that's what Lindsey is missing. She doesn't have faith. She doesn't have hope. She's endlessly walking and moving along, but for what? What's out there for her? So maybe I wasn't lying. Maybe I was telling the truth, so I tell her again, "I understand."

I reach out for her because I know I'd need someone if I were in her state. Lindsey raises her hand towards mine, but we don't have the same intentions. She pats my hand away and lies down. She takes a deep breath and turns her back to me.

I let her have time and space, and I find an empty spot in the wet, molded wood of the loft in the barn. I need to try to sleep.

__________

In the morning, the sun is finally trying to dry up some of the rain from last night. Walking over the cracks in the wood and letting the sultry, beaming sunlight catch my skin. Owen and Mika are sitting near the ladder and eating whatever breakfast they could make out of our dwindling supplies. Mika is actually smiling. Owen is doing his job and being there for her. He's making her laugh. He's numbing the pain of losing Sage.

Caspian is leaning against the wall of the barn, doing what he does best: staying distant and against the flow.

Titus is watching out from the watch point with my uncle. Kennedy is checking our bags and making sure everything is ready. Today we're leaving, but it's also for a quick escape. Anything could happen...at any time. She counts the water bottles, and I know we're running low with this many people. She looks into the last bag for a few extra seconds before zipping it up. She ignores the fact that we may need water soon, and so do I.

Lindsey walks out from her reclusive corner and shushes us to be quiet. As everyone turns to give her attention, she points into the air towards the sky. Except for the ruffling of the putrid horses below us, tranquility falls over the barn. Then, the piercing sound of helicopter blades rippling through the morning air hovers over us.