The Sleeper Cells: A Terrorism Story

Chapter 18: Too Far Gone

"Lindsey! No!" I screech as I attempt to snatch the knife away from her. She leans her head back to dodge me. "You're not doing this!" I grab her wrist and pull it away from her. I pry her trembling fist open and slide the knife from her sweating palm.

"What are you doing?" I throw the knife behind me.

"I'm quitting. I'm stopping this nonsense of running from place to place just to finally be picked off by a sleeper," she confesses. Her words barely making it off her lips.

"You can prevent that, Lindsey. Please stay with us?" I reach for her hand. She slides it away... She's weak, just like the horses from the barn. Her pale, bony fingers seem too fragile for me to grab.

"Vince, just stop trying. Keep doing what you're doing. But leave me out. It's not worth it."

I remember what I told Ken: if you don't fight for it, it's not worth it.

Lindsey isn't fighting. She's a robot. And I can see it in her eyes. She's filled with pain... with suffering. There's nothing behind her eyes. No hope. There's no chance for her.

"You've lost yourself... This isn't Lindsey."

"Lindsey died a long time ago." She doesn't have to convince me. I believe her.

Kris grabs my shoulder from behind, "we have to keep moving, Vince."

"Lindsey doesn't want to come with us anymore. We can't leave her!"

Kris leans down next to me, "you can't save anyone. They have to want it. If someone gives up on you, you can't carry them around. The only thing that does is bring you down with them." Kris is talking about Lindsey as if she isn't sitting right here with us, "you can't save her. She has to save herself with her willpower."

Owen and Mika stand behind us patiently waiting, but I know they're aching to leave. We can't stay here. We have to get out of here.

"I'm sick of losing people. Sage, Titus...I don't want to leave you, Lindsey."

"Go! What are you doing to yourself?! I'm not moving." Lindsey screams at me.

"Why did you swim across that river? Why did you even push this far?" I ask in a spiteful voice. I'm almost hurt that she would just give up so easily. "Don't be like Rosemary."

Lindsey chuckles as she wipes away a heavy tear. "You think I swam through that river to keep going? To be with you? To save myself? You can't save me. I'm done. The only reason I swam over here was to say goodbye."

"There's no going back after this..." I tell her as a last effort to get her from the soggy mud.

Kris steps up and whispers four letters, "PTSD."

I can feel myself coming undone from the inside. The strings that I've been fighting to hold on to are unraveling. Dragging Lindsey though this mess to keep her alive... and she turns into a wall thicker than concrete. I didn't end things with her; I kept her in my mind when everyone else counted her as dead. Maybe I should have too. She's been a ghost for a while now. I guess I just kept counting her as a fighter. The only thing she was fighting was me. I was the only person willing to lead her to the next stop on the map. She has finally sunk into the dark corners she calls home. She's not coming with us, and that's a death sentence.

Kennedy pulls me back, and she leans down to Lindsey. "Listen, girl. You've got to come with us. You'll die out here."

"Leave me alone, Kennedy. I'm not stupid. Stop talking down to me!"

"I guess you can't save anyone—not if they don't want to save themselves." Kennedy stands up and walks away from Lindsey.

As I step away from Lindsey, she finally reveals the smallest smile she could, but it's the biggest smile I've seen on her for days. This is what she wanted all along.

Kennedy, Kris, Owen, Mika and I all march on the designated path on the map. We're stepping away from everything that little spot by the river was. Leaving all the pain behind and letting the water wash away the agony and suffering.

No more Lindsey. No more Caspian. Our only focus is to make it to the border and stay alive.

Owen hands the map to Mika to look over our route. Kennedy walks next to me, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. If there's anything to say, it's thank you. You and your hope got me through it."

"It does wonders, right? Hope will do it."

Yes, it will. The truth is, without Kennedy, I don't know where I would be.

__________

"How have we been missing all the major roads?" Mika asks Owen.

"Well, Kris picked the route that avoided it. He figured sleepers would be using them. But...we can't always avoid them. In fact, here we are..."

The woods finally end and before us is a road. Splitting through a field and leading into the horizon, the dark road has empty cars in the deep ditches along the sides.

"Watch out for them. There's very little cover out here," Kris whispers.

"Uh oh, trouble." Owen pulls a gun from the back of his pants.

Sleepersare scattered up and down the road in vehicles just like the one they tookTitus in. I don't think the five of us have the firepower to take them alldown. Before, there were small groups without organization. This is way toomany for us to handle, but there's no going back.