discontinued // my winged warrior // phan

Nineteen

~Dazed~

Phil

☾❀☽

Dan showed up at my house early.

I hugged him when he opened the door. But he didn't hold me like normal. His body stiffened at my touch.

I looked up at his face. And he'd been crying earlier.

I didn't say anything. He didn't either. There was no point. We both knew.

I slipped my fingers into his, and we walked to the car he'd arrived in.

"You can drive?" I asked.

"Yeah." His voice was cracked. He was holding it together, but just barely.

I looked at him again and caught his eyes. We had a conversation in those few moments, without saying a word.

And part of me understood. Talking about it wouldn't make him any better.

☾❀☽

We didn't talk much more when we were driving. The atmosphere of the car made me sad.

It didn't feel like us. It was tense and sad and wrong.

I wanted it to be us again. I wanted it to be Dan and Phil, those two idiots who laughed out loud without a care in the world.

But it wasn't. And there was nothing I could do to change that.

And so we kept driving.

I spent most of my time staring out the window. I pretended as convincingly as I could that I didn't see Dan stealing those long glances at me. I could tell they weren't something he wanted me to notice.

It made me a little worried. The air of sad finality that Dan carried with him.

I wanted desperately to tell him that nothing was going to change. But I didn't know if that was the truth.

☾❀☽

We stayed at a cheap motel that night.

Our tiny room was an unattractive cream colour. It had two minuscule beds on opposite sides of the bed.

We didn't say much there either.

Dan didn't sleep well that night. He was crying.

He was doing it as silently as possible. He didn't want me to notice.

I couldn't sleep. My heart was aching. I didn't want Dan to be sad anymore.

So I climbed into his bed.

There was something about late nights. It made everything closer, more intimate.

The bed was too small for the both of us. I pushed my back up against his chest.

For a moment, he didn't really respond.

And then, some part of his sleep deprived brain decided that he didn't care anymore. He started to cry. Really cry. He hugged me close to his chest. He held me as tightly as he could.

"I'm so sorry, Phil."

He was crying and crying. And I might've been too, though I wasn't sure.

I just wanted him to feel better. I wanted to know why he was so sad.

But most of all, I wanted to know why I was sad.

☾❀☽

By the time I woke up, Dan was already awake. He was dressed and held two cups of coffee. He