Everything I Could Ever Ask For

Chapter Seven

Thinkin'bout you
I've been in tears.
My heart's been gripped by fears
Others may have a different view
But I still want to be with you.
-Anon

Ikram's POV

"But are you ready to take that step? I know I've been telling you to get married but I won't force you into something you're not ready for. Ikram, go and pray isthikara (A prayer done when you want to make a decision). Your happiness is all that matters to me. And this is your decision to make. I'll go and talk to your father about it." Mama was saying after I told her everything. I was conflicted. I just wanted mama to tell me what to say but seems like she won't. She left the room probably going to speak to Baba.

After the conversation with Zahra yesterday, I couldn't get a decent sleep. I kept turning and tossing but sleep was not ready to take me. I lay awake on my bed,thinking of how my life made a drastic turn. I should be happy. This was what I wanted right? I liked him maybe not to the extent of love but I do feel something. But does that something I feel enough for me to take the big step. I sighed. I just couldn't get an answer.

I decided to take mama's advice and pray isthikara. I went over to the bathroom and performed my wudu. I spread my praying mat and prayed. On reaching my final sujood(prostration), I prayed fervently for Allah to guide me into making the right decision. I said my salaam and raised my hand to pray the Dua Istikhara.
The translation of the prayer is as follows :

'O Allah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength and I ask you from Your immense favour,for verily You are able while I am not and verily You know while I do not and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah,if you know this marriage to be good for me in relation to my religion,my life,and end,then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it. And if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life,and end,then remove me from it,and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.'

I concluded the Dua and I felt at peace with myself. Indeed the saying "verily it is in the remembrance of Allah that hearts do find rest" is hundred percent true. Not that I ever doubted it.

I went over to the living room and met Baba and Mama discussing. I said my salaam to them and sat close to mama's leg and lowered my head down.

"Ikram,your mum just finished informing me about the proposal we are about to receive. She also told me that you are not willing to accept Kabir."

"Yes Baba."

"So what do you think of this coming proposal. What's your decision?"

I already made up my mind but decided to play miss two goody.

"Baba,your decision is all that matters to me. If you think that this marriage is of khair to me,then so be it."

"No Ikram,this decision is yours alone. It's about your future. You're the one going to spend the rest of your life with him. So No I'm not making your decision."

"Okay, Baba. I'll accept the proposal. But Baba please let me at least finish my second year. We're already in the mid semester."

"Alhamdullilah. Ma sha Allah. That's not a problem my daughter. I'll talk to them when they arrive. May Allah bless your upcoming marriage."