You Self Harm And Castiel Finds You
Title- No, Don't Heal Me Cas
Warnings- self harm, past abuse
The plate collided with the floor and shattered into a million pieces. You could hear your own heart pounding in your chest.
"You stupid bitch, can't you do anything right?!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please."
"Y/N, what the hell!" Dean snapped.
"I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry" you stammered.
"Just clean it up" he grumbled, then mumbled under his breath "can't you do anything right."
Your breath caught in your throat at those words, you raced past him, tears spilling down your cheeks, and rushed upstairs to your room, grabbing your hunting knife off your desk and digging it into your wrist without a seconds thought.
Before long the word useless had been carved into your flesh, in deep craters you knew would scar badly.
The word had stood in place for a name when living your abusive father, who took out all his hunting struggles and frustrations out on your teenage self.
A pounding came at the door.
"Y/N, are you in there, Dean asked me to check on you?" Castiel called.
"Go away Cas, I'm fine!"
"That is a form of code Y/N, Sam explained this to me" Castiel said through the door "I'm coming in."
The door swung open, revealing the trench coated angel, who froze when he saw you..
Shit, I broke him.
"Y/N, what happened?"
He seemed frozen in a mixture of shock, fear and curiosity.
"Nothing, get out."
"Let me heal you". Castiel protested.
"No, get out!" You screamed.
"Let me heal you!" He reached out to touch me and I shoved him back, pushing past him and escaping down the hall.
You collided with something and stumbled back.
"Sam!" It was Dean "Come here!"
You could hear Sam "Oh my god, what happened?"
"Nothing, she did that. Cas, come're."
"No" you shouted.
"Goddamn it Y/N, get over yourself, why'd you do this?"
"You don't wanna know" you snapped, shoving past them and wandering down the hall to the kitchen, grabbing the first aid kit.
"Y/N, why?" Dean whispered from behind you.
"Like I said, you don't wanna know."
"That's right. I don't want to, I need to. I need to know, so I can help you" Dean snapped.
"No, don't say help. I don't need help. You don't mean help. You mean fix."
"No, Y/N, you're perfect just the way you are."
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