Are You Hearing Voices Again? [COMPLETED]

We're The Kind That Comprehend

A/n: UPDATE! FINALLY!

Because of my little... meltdown (again), Maya now forces me to go to group therapy. Honestly, I hate it.

I never understood why these courses are so bland. Even the ones that are supposed to "stimulate my mind", according to Maya. God, Maya is so bland. Everyone here is so bland. As I scan my surroundings and the room I'm seated in, I notice the people around me. I can't help but think about how silly they all are to really believe that they are interested in this lesson; the lesson being a casual "how to control your anger" or some shit. Everyone here is so fake. I know they all think this lesson is phony. They have to. No one is really interested in this shit. They treat the hospital like you'd treat a school. There's the same plain white halls and the same plain boring people. Also, seemingly including the idiots that fool around in the halls and the security guards in every corner.

Yes. It reminds me a lot of high school. Just a bit more looney!

I don't think I have anger issues. I just have a complex mind. Maya always tells me that I'm "one step ahead" or that "I go to deep".

What does she want from me? First, she wants me to analyze the causes of my "triggers" or whatever, but whenever I actually work with her and analyze whatever she wants me to analyze, I never get it right!

Ugh... Anyways, we've been talking on and on about this topic that by the end of every session, I feel like ripping my brain out through my eye sockets. Anger management isn't a topic that I'm extremely interested in. That and the social worker that seems to try too hard to really be invested in whatever we're saying. I think she mentioned that she used to be an actor. It makes a lot of sense too. Just think about it. Her "interest" in us could very much likely be fake. All this woman does is nod and repeat whatever we're saying. For example, someone would say "I get angry because the people around me annoy me" and the blonde woman would nod and say " so.. you get angry because some things that people say can be compared to your parents who sent you here without your consent?" And the fucking idiot would nod as if all his problems were somehow solved! It's completely insane. If this social worker, (I never bothered to learn her name so let's call her blondie) really was an actor then she does a damn good job at doing so because she has everyone fooled. Well, everyone but me. The only option I have left is to play along because rebelling would only make my situation worse. All I've got to do is lie my way out of this session for a few weeks and bam you're free to go. Lying always comes easily to me. Sometimes I fear that I lie to myself. Somewhere in the back of my head, I know this isn't the life I'd like to live. I want to be an artist or a singer. Not some nutcase that lies his way into a mental hospital. It's easy though, living here. It's not like I need to work or anything. No one argues because they all think I'm crazy anyways. Which I'm not, but remember I lie.

You know, there's always that one kid in the session that thinks he's so much better than everyone else. Granted, this kid, kris, has a terrible case of ADHD or something. A violent one at that. Still though, they always try to prove that they know so much more than the rest of us. I absolutely hate people who are obsessed with themselves. Of course, sometimes I think I'm better, but I never vocalize it. Never ever. I'd rather have everyone think I'm antisocial than an attention seeker.

The only attention I possibly seek is that of Frank's. Ever since my last meeting with Maya, the boy has distanced himself quite a bit. Well, as much as you can distance yourself from your roommate. I can't help but feel guilty about what I've done to him. In a way, I think I scare the boy.

Now it marks the second time that I almost died in front of him. I don't think it's good for his PTSD.

Did you all know that that's the condition frank has? I.. kinda read through his files. I know it's wrong but I want to know what I can do to help.

Apparently, Frank has PTSD and Antisocial Personality Disorder. The second one explains why he's mute, according to Maya.

Well, he's not completely mute anymore cause me talks to me. Which is a plus.

I was finally able to sleep in my own room last night. So, naturally, I had Frank sleep with me.

Not like that you pervert.

We literally slept together. I quite enjoyed it too. I always enjoy when we sleep together. Like I mentioned before, it's nice waking up to someone else. You know that they stayed with you all night for whatever reason.

I hate the night.

Sometimes I can swear that I can see little flashes of light in the dark. It's odd.

Other times I hear things whispering to me. They say.. uh.. something along the lines of "you are all to blame". I don't know what that means, but in a way I don't think it's directed towards me. Or Frank, in that matter. It's the time of voice. If you think about it, the somehow angelic voice isn't what you'd expect to hear from a blood gurgling monster. Right? So I figure that it's directed towards the doctors or patients here.

I'd like to believe the voices are angels. Frank tells me a lot about angels because he used to go to catholic school. Now, Frank isn't the most religious person, but according to him, religion helps him get through tough times like now, for instance.

I can only hope that these voices are saying what's best for me. I know they want to look out for me. All I've gotta do is keep them alive. I need to see them to know they're real. So far, all I've seen are blank walls and confused expressions. I guess I'll have to wait patiently like a good boy.

I just have one more question....
When the angels find me,
do you think I should listen?