radio

21

dan

"come a little earlier tomorrow, we gotta work on your song it's been a while," phil murmurs, his mouth still inches away from mine as he pulls back from the longing kiss. i only hum in response, watching as my fingers disappear into the black tufts of hair as i push them back off his forehead, and he pressed a wet kiss against my cheek, making a soft blush rise on both of them.

"do you wanna come upstairs?" i ask him and he sighs, slumping back against the backrest of the drivers seat, his arms winding tighter around my waist.

dinner tonight was possibly the first time i've actually spoken to phil, getting to know him as a person and how he's like. conversations were buzzing softly between us, in between mouthfuls of spaghetti and sips of red wine, and even though i do not like spending this much time outside with anyone, phil might have been an exception.

there's this sudden pull inside me, wanting to get to know phil, to spend more time with him, to not be away from him, and i find it more than just a little strange. i am not a very social person, and not very good at friendships either. i drop people from my life unknowingly, getting over year long friendships in a snap and breakups in a second, and i can't talk to the same person again and again because i simply get bored.

phil is not any different, and i'm afraid that he might end up like all the other people who have been a part of life, whom i once liked too much but now don't even matter.

"i have some work to do, not today," i almost forgot i asked him a question, and i snap out of my thoughts, feeling a slight embarrassment rush to my cheeks at his refusal.

"oh okay," i draw my hands away from the back of his neck, and rest them on my lap, feeling the slight awkwardness seeping into the atmosphere as we both sit silently ; him still slumped back in his seat and me on his lap, my lip easing between my teeth so i can bite it in an action of nervousness.

"so," he breaks the silence after a moment and i divert my gaze up to him.

"so,"

"so yeah come earlier tomorrow for practice okay?" his tone has an undertone of impatience, and i want to slap myself for asking him to come over. what was i even thinking?

i just nod at him, my lips sealed as i attempt to get off his lap, and he rolls his eyes at me once i'm incapable to do so.

"you're such a fucking child sometimes, i'm getting late," he snaps, and i raise my eyebrows at him in an annoyed gesture, hurriedly getting of his stupid lap and landing in the passenger's seat.

"yeah well if you're getting so late why did you even offer me dinner?" my voice sounds just as irritated as i am right now, and he just huffs out a deep breath in response.

"i didn't think it'll take forever with you and your constant need of kissing me," phil says, his tone dismissive and my lips part slightly, wanting to say something to oppose his statement but not finding any right words.

"you know what?" i finally open the door of my car and step outside, glaring at him as i continue to speak. "fuck you, and don't even try to come near me after this or i swear to fucking god i'll report you for harassment,"

"oh look who's talking," his tone is amused. "weren't you just asking me to come upstairs and fuck you? and you act like this when i refuse? what a fucking sap,"

"i fucking hate you," are the only words that slip my tongue as i angrily slam the door shut, feeling the moisture travel to the brim of my eyes, almost falling down into unwanted tears once he looks at me with a disinterested expression.

"of course you start crying now, god i should know better than to hook up with kids," he mutters under his breath, quickly rolling the windows up and backing his car away from my driveway, not sparing as much as a look towards me as tears of frustration and anger fall against my flushed cheeks.

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