radio

36

dan

"mum can you stop calling. . .of course they have power back up. . .why are you already saying it's great it hasn't even been released yet. . .alright, thank you," i rub my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose as my mother goes on and on about how this is such a big moment in my life and how she's incredibly proud of me. somehow she also manages to slip in the fact that she did a spin on her usual lasagna recipe and convinced me to do it myself and send her pictures—yeah, she's a strange woman.

the song releases today.
the same song i wrote under my crappy lamp shade under the influence of at least three bowls of ramen and lack of sleep. i didn't have a proper piano then, i've only managed to get a used one quite recently but earlier i only had the classic cassio that every other kid on the block had. only i actually put it to use sometimes.

i push my fingers in my tangled hair—i didn't have the mind to actually sit and put any sort of effort in my appearance. i just remember waking up and taking the quickest shower of my lifetime before throwing on an old pair of black skinny jeans and a black tshirt that's a different black than my jeans. it's truly a struggle to maintain a monochrome aesthetic, especially on the bad days.

phil's office is full of people—rebecca, roslyn, chris, a few more people i remember from the recording studio and of course, the man himself sitting in his chair near his cherry wood desk. he looks sort of impatient, sort of . . . nervous? which doesn't match his usual calm and collected persona. he's wearing his red plaid shirt today, the one i like on him way too much. his hair messy and thick black glasses shielding his eyes.

my cheeks flush when he catches me looking at him and he just raises his eyebrows before beckoning me towards him. i weave my way through the people quickly and phil pulls me down in his lap as soon as i'm in front of him. i blush harder and attempt to get away.

"phil there are people here," i mutter urgently as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder.

"and i'm their boss," he snickers. "your point?"

i just roll my eyes and lean back against his chest. i'm trying really hard not to think about how it will go because i know if i start thinking about it i'll panic, and if i panic, things won't be too great.

"how're you feeling baby?" phil whispers softly and i breathe out a shaky sigh before licking my lips.

"nervous," i admit and he nods.

"it will go great, remember how hyped everyone was for it on twitter?" phil reminds me of the moment i hit a hundred thousand followers because phil tweeted out a picture of me on his official twitter, his caption just a mix of teasing words about the song release. i remember how phil kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair when i told him the news excitedly and then he lifted me on his cherry desk and—

"dan?" i snap out of my thoughts and turn my body a little so i can look at him.

"yeah, okay," i try to offer him a small smile. "how are you feeling?"

"peachy,"

"phil,"

"alright maybe i'm a little nervous too," he rolls his eyes and my smile widens. i love when he's more open about his emotions, how unfiltered his eyes look when he's actually telling the truth and not being a manipulative asshole. "but i know this is gonna be a huge hit, we're gonna have a huge celebration if it is," he nudges his forehead against mine and i grin.

"you wanna come back to mine after this?" he looks up at me. phil and i have been doing this. . .thing. it's not exactly romantic but it's not exactly platonic. it's just, nothing, actually. nothing with some dates and frequent making out (and one sided feelings but we don't talk about them).

"can we go and get some food first?"

"we'll order some baby," phil tightens his grip on my waist just a little. "i'm more interested in kissing the fuck out of you while playing your first hit single on loop," he presses a teasing kiss behind my ear and jesus christ does he know how to make me lose my breath. i shift in his lap to get more comfortable and slump more of my body weight on him.

+

"how many again?" roslyn is speaking loudly in the bluetooth attached to her ear, her lips stretched into a wide smile.

"over a million in fourteen minutes," as soon as the words are out of her mouth, i can feel my chest expand and oxygen dissolving in my lungs. everyone is silent, it's the kind of silence that makes me feel all this isn't real. is this real?

"phil," i whisper quietly. his arms are still around my waist and his mouth is slightly parted. roslyn is still talking on the phone and jotting down stats.

"wait a million is good right?" my breathing becomes limited again. maybe i was supposed to do ten million in a minute—well, that's probably a stretch. but why isn't anybody saying anything? what the fuck?

"you fucking did it," phil mumbles. "you fucking did it,"

"chris! i told you he could fucking do it!" and suddenly everyone is breaking into a cheer. i don't even understand what they are saying, it's all mostly just happy yelling and i'm busy appreciating the commotion before phil grabs my cheeks in both his hands firmly to make me look at him.

"you did it baby," he says, and my cheeks could literally leak blood from how hot they feel. i allow myself to memorise the way his eyes are unguarded and sparking and the way his mouth is pulled into a charming smile.

"are you proud?" i manage through my smushed cheeks and he just sighs before looking around and pressing a single kiss on my lips.

"yes, very," and before i know it phil is pushing me off his lap to grab a bottle of champagne, and i'm drinking the bittersweet fizz and accepting compliments as i witness the happiest moment of my entire existence.

my mum calls again.

--
wig