radio

35

dan

he does it again—fills the air with charisma, fills my lungs with oxygen that tastes sweeter than usual, and i feel myself being dragged right back into him. i don't think there ever is a time when i don't like him, i keep pining after him even when he's an asshole. right now as he leans back in his chair and shoots me a gentle smile, he seems so much less of a dick and i seem so much more obsessed with him.

"this used to be my favourite restaurant," he tells me and breaks into a story about how this is the place he used to come to with his brother all the time when he was unmarried and still living here. five minutes later he goes into a tangent and begins ranting about how marriage is the stupidest concept to ever exist and he'd rather remain a bachelor his entire life.

"so what, you just want to date throughout your life?" i rest my chin in my palms and stare at him quizzically as we wait for our desserts to arrive. he furrows his eyebrows and then laughs.

"what? no, i don't want to date,"

"what do you mean? so you just want to be alone for the rest of your life?"

"who said i'm staying alone, there are plenty of people i can have sex with and not have the trouble of maintaining a relationship," he shrugs like the concept of loneliness does not exist in his world.

"it's not just about sex," i scrunch my nose. "don't you like, want anything romantic? ever?"

"romance is fictional," he rolls his eyes.

"what does that even mean?" a giggle escapes my mouth involuntarily at his ridiculous statement.

"i mean it just sounds good in books and movies and plays, have you ever seen a successful relationship?"

"yes?"

"maybe you're blind," he dismisses me.

"it's not even about relationships! i'm talking generally you know? don't you like..affection? cuddling? breakfast at noon and making out to lana del rey in pyjamas?" my voice is unnecessarily excited and holds an element of desperation. phil looks at me almost sympathetically.

"we can still make out to lana del rey in pyjamas if that's what you want," he shoots me a wink and the otherwise annoying gesture looks so unbelievably hot coming from him. what the fuck. i blush profusely, as usual, and keep my mouth shut the rest of the time because i know once phil starts flirting he never fucking stops and i want to give my cheeks a break.

when we exit the restaurant i smile at him half heartedly before thanking him. i'm really tired.

"wait where are you going?" his fingers wrap around my wrist before i can walk to the bus stop and a yawn escapes my mouth as i turn to look at him.

"home?"

"i'm dropping you and my car isn't that way,"

"you're not dropping me," i shake my head. all bad things happen in enclosed spaces and i would like at least one night to not end on a sour note.

"why not?" he pouts in confusion and puts his hands on his hips and the gesture is so unlike phil that i can't help but stare at him and wonder what the hell.

"what?" he interrupts my staring and draws his eyebrows together.

"nothing um, i'll just take the bus! you don't have to bother,"

"you're not bothering me, come on," he rolls his eyes and ends the conversation, grabbing me by the sleeve of my shirt and dragging me to his car.

the car ride is. . .fun, to say the least. phil is still somehow in an acceptable mood where he knows how to take jokes, his cheeks flushed and his bright blue eyes dimmed as he hums along to some quiet bon iver songs. i just sit and listen as the car fills with the soft tapping of his fingers on the steering and lean my head against the window. i could easily get used to this, to him singing as he drives carefully across london when the sky darkens.

"i'll walk you," phil's voice is almost gravelly and the gentle tone makes me zip my mouth and shoot him a nervous smile. he walks slowly, and close to me, one of his hands shoved in his pockets and the other winding into his hair to push the mass of hair off his forehead.

"i'll go from here, you don't have to climb all the way up," i mumble when we reach the entrance. it's slightly awkward and slightly uncomfortable and i'm sure it's because i'm still expecting him to flip over and ruin this calmness between us.

"can i kiss you?" he steps a little closer and my eyes widen as i choke on my breath.

"what?" i can feel the heat pooling in my cheeks and my stomach tying into a knot. oh my fucking god.

"can i," he reaches up to push my hair off my forehead and my chest literally hurts from how fast my heart is racing. "kiss you, daniel?"

"why are you saying my name like that?"

"that's literally your name,"

"yeah but don't say it like that,"

"don't say it like what?" he giggles and i muster as much strength as possible to stand on my tippy toes and press a quick kiss against his lips.

fuck.

"goodnight phil!" i turn around but before i can go very far he's pulling me back by my shirt and pushing me against the nearest wall.

and i'm not complaining.

--
hi pls leave movie/anime recommendations in the comments thx

also pls excuse my writing its having a rough year