radio

22

dan

i have no will to push open the door of phil's office which is standing still, silently mocking at me for looking as disheveled as i am now.

sleep was something that i did not struggle with until now, but last night, i don't even remember a single second where i was unconsciously peaceful as i usually am. last night was such a roller coaster, i don't even remember how i ended up from being feverishly kissed in the restaurant bathroom to crying at ten at night outside my apartment.

i have no idea what happened.

"why the hell are you standing outside? waiting for someone to open the door for you?" a loud voice barks, breaking me from my trance as i sigh, not responding to phil's statement before raising my hand to twist the door knob.

it's not even a second later when i feel cold fingertips grabbing my wrist, and pulling it away, and just as i turn my head slightly to look at the disruption, phil's hands grab my waist and pin my body against the black door.

"what the fuck do you think you are doing?" i grit my teeth, looking up to shoot him an annoyed glare and he only smirks, one of his hands reaching up and tucking a stray piece of hair back in it's original place.

i flinch slightly from his touch, trying to push against his chest to get him off me, but he doesn't budge, and soon enough i can see another set of bruises lining his neck, obviously meaning that he went and hooked with someone after acting like an asshole towards me.

"did you sleep with someone last night?" my voice is loud and holds the disappointment that i didn't wish it would hold.

"how does that matter to you?" he cocks an eyebrow and i can feel the heat of anger bubble in my chest as i push harshly against his, making him get off me.

"you're unbelievable," i spit, opening the door and walking inside angrily, grabbing my hair in my fists in aggravation. what the hell did i do? why the hell did i allow him to kiss me? to do anything with me?

"we aren't dating, as much as you hope that we do, so i don't understand why it matters to you that i slept with someo—"

"why the hell did you kiss me yesterday?" my voice is loud and confused and he just laughs, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it.

"because you're hot?"

"my god phil, i, i can't even, how can you be such an ass?" i can feel the tears pooling in my eyes again, a lump settling in my throat as i stare at him, waiting for an explanation but he just tilts his head in mock confusion.

"how am i an ass? i asked for consent, whatever we did, it was done because you wanted it as well. and i never said i'm gonna be your husband did i?" he shrugs his shoulders dismissively, and i sigh, rubbing my palms along my face in frustration, wishing that i could say something that would make sense but my mind is blanking out, and i just want to cry and get out of this stupid office.

"but you didn't, i didn't think—" i stammer pathetically and he only shakes his head.

"get over it man," he shrugs. "now come on, we've got a song to practice,"

--

i love angst thank u