Hiding my secret is getting harder by the day, but somehow I still keep up the act like nothing's wrong.
With every day of hiding it gets more difficult, but I can't stop.
Telling my parents "it's just a bug" is getting to be a really old excuse, but I still can't stop.
My throat constantly stings and burns from all the acid in the vomit, but I still can't stop.
Headaches and fainting spells from the constant dehydration, but I still can't stop.
It's not easy to just "stop doing it" or "keep your food down".
It's a real mental illness, as in my brain WILL NOT FUCKING LET ME.
I can't stop because of what I see every day. When I need motivation I tell myself "I can do this", but the mirror's always there to break me down again and tell me I can't.
Because for every voice telling me "No! Don't do this! This is not the answer, you're only damaging yourself!" There's an even louder voice screaming "Do it! You wanna be pretty, don't you?! You want that thigh gap, don't you?! You wanna be skinny, don't you?! You wanna be beautiful, don't you?! Then do it! JUST FUCKING DO IT!!
You don't understand. I can't stop. I can't just "stop doing it".
It's an addiction.
An addiction to hurting myself to feel pretty,
because I only feel pretty on an empty stomach.
An addiction to shoving my fingers down my own throat.
I'm destroying my body one meal at a time, but I
Still.
Can't.
Stop.
YOU ARE READING
Words From a Broken Soul
PoetryThis is stuff I wrote when I had deep moments of depression, inspiration, pain, and what I wrote to keep myself from relapsing. This is an inside look to my inner-self. Enjoy it and make sure to leave me feedback!
