The First

6.1

A/N This chapter goes out to all those Cade and Gis shippers! Haha, I can't make any promises yet, but I want to thank you for all the smiles you've brought to my face.

-

01 - 30 - 2089

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I can barely hold my head up. 

Hunger does strange things to you. At times I feel like I'm floating on a boat, light as a feather. But at other times I'm heavy and sluggish, stuck in mud. 

I know I keep floating in and out of consciousness as my body shuts down. And the hunger pains, oh, they are almost too much. I don't know how I have been able to hold out for this long. Doctor Acosta, Barr, and even Cade have tried to convince me to eat. Have tried to coax me, pressure me, threaten me, and even trick me into eating. But I haven't. 

I wondered if they would just force me to eat. I wondered if the only thing I could hold against them would be taken away from me, but it hasn't happened yet. I don't know if they can't force me for some reason, or perhaps they want me to suffer. Whatever the reason is they have yet to try it. 

I toss and turn on my bed, my arms wrapped around my stomach. I rub slow circles on my stomach, finding that it helps to relieve some of the pain. I can hardly move, much less stand or walk around. I tried drawing earlier today, but my hand slipped and I blacked out. I woke up on my bed, and I've been staring at the blaring black mark on my wall since then. An ugly mistake that stands out among all my other finishes artwork.

I need to relieve myself. I can feel the pressure growing, but I'm not sure I can make it to the toilet. Instead, I stare at whatever I can see without moving my head and lie as still as I can. 

-

Hiss.

I jerk awake, my eyes flying open to the noise. My door slides open, emitting a blurry figure. I blink, clearing my vision.

Cade. He holds a tray of food that makes my stomach constrict painfully. I let out a groan and roll over to face the wall, not able to look at the food or him. 

I hear him set the tray down on my table, then the mattress bends down, and I know he's sitting right behind me. 

"Gis..."

"G-Go." One word is all I can manage, and it sounds more like a groan. It hurts so... bad.

His hand rests on my shoulder, and I want to shake it off but don't have the strength. I feel the warmth that his hand emits; it feels good, and I'm ashamed. I don't want to like him, not after how he lied to me. After they all lied to me. And no one will explain what is going on to me. 

"Please eat," Cade says, his voice raw with emotion. He is imploring, begging me to eat something.

"You... lied." My stomach cramps again, and I tense, crying out. 

I hear a sharp intake of breath from Cade. His hand leaves my shoulder, and I want it back. What is wrong with me?

"I'm sorry," Cade whispers, now his voice conveying shame. The mattress moves as he readjusts. I push past the pain and role back over to face him. His eyes lock onto mine, and they fill with horror. I have no idea what I must look like after several days of not eating, barely sleeping. But he looks horrible too. Dark bags hang from his eyes and his hair is more disheveled than usual. His jaw is tight, his forehead pinched.