There Is No Such A Thing Called "Fate" ...

Rashomon

His mentor wasn't there anymore ...
His ability wasn't there anymore ...
He doesn't have a reason to live anymore ...
This world wasn't for him anymore ...
"You need to start over" Higuchi says ... "Are you kidding me ?" was his answer ... what does he have to start over with ? Even his body was suffering from illness . He has nothing now . Nothing ...
Death wasn't his last choice ... it was his one and only way to ease this suffering ... only Death could relieve him from his miserable life ...

He looks into his reflection in the mirror ... his coat wasn't here anymore ... he misses Rashomon ... it feels cold ... it feels different ... he was pale ... when wasn't he pale ? ... he looks again ... who was that person looking back at him ? He doesn't recognize this person ... this person wasn't him ...
He feels the urge to die ... he needs to die ... but each time he remembers his mentor , he can't bring himself to commit suicide ... he can't do it when this was what he hated the most in Dazai ... then what could he do ? Somebody please , tell him how to die !
His sister could just cry at his sight ... this wasn't the Akutagawa Ryuunoske she once knew ... his skin was pale ... his eyes were empty ... that vivid flame left them just as he lost everything that one day ... he looks vulnerable ... incapable .... miserable ... he just wanted to die ...
He's walking under the full moon ... it made him remember a certain silver haired boy ... this same silver haired boy is in front him ... he doesn't feel the urge to punch him ... was there a better proof that his soul left this world long ago ? No ... there wasn't ...
"Kill me ,Jinko ." were his last words ... Atsushi had his eyes wide open ... The Akutagawa he knew was strong ... the Akutagawa he knew would never show this kind of weakness ... especially to him ... but even him could see that there was no life in Akutagawa's eyes ... why not just ease his suffering ? Why not just relieve him ? That was probably the best option ... right ?
Atsushi takes the knife Akutagawa hands him ...
Atsushi looks into Akutagawa's eyes ... Atsushi pushes the knife where the other's heart was ...
Akutagawa falls ...
Atsushi catches him ...
"Those are Akutagawa's last moments" Atsushi realises ...
Atsushi puts his lips gently on Akutagawa's ...
he could do it now ...
he had nothing to loose anymore ... Akutagawa opens his eyes for the last time ...
A blaze started to form ...
It was way too late now ...
If only he knew ...
If only ...