He wasn't a Jinko anymore ... even the person who used to call him that way wasn't here anymore ... all those memories went so far away ... all his past seems like a vague dream ... he thought he was sad in the past ... but compared to this sadness deep in his heart ... he could just be saddened for his past sadness that seems like happiness now ...
He goes back to that lake where he met Dazai for the first time ... where he had found a reason to live ... he smiles at the memory ... then a lot of memories came after that one ... yeah ... a lot happened from those times when he was haunted by that white tiger ... he would give anything to be haunted by it again ... he would give anything to live those moments again .... he would give anything to save everyone ... he would give anything ...
If only he was stronger to stop Fyodor ...
If only he was faster to save Dazai ...
If only he was more convincing to relieve Akutagawa without killing him ...
He killed someone ... he killed the one he loved ... he looks at his hands ... they were red ... he closes his eyes ... he just sees Akutagawa's last look ... he couldn't bear this burden anymore ...
He goes to the post police and confesses everything ...
He gets arrested ...
"I deserve it" was what he thought ...
But being between four walls just made everything worse ...
After the white tiger's haunting ... after Akutagawa's last look's haunting ... came his own haunting to himself ...
He was depressed ... he was desperate ... but he could do nothing to remedy it ...
He never thought about dying ... he was killing himself little by little without even realising it ... he couldn't stop repeating those words "if only ... " ... he knew there was no use in lamenting ... in mopping up on his fate ... he just ... he couldn't stop himself ... in the end , he was just a human ... just a weak human ...
He ends up falling ill ...
His illness had no medecine ...
He could just suffer ... and suffer ... and suffer ...
He deserves it after all ...
His end was obvious ...
He died ...
While still lamenting and mopping up ...
He died ...
And his last sight was the moonlight that entered from the small window in his cell ...
He died ...
And his last words were "if only ... "
He died
Alone ... between those four grey walls ...
He deserves it ...
Ironic , isn't it ? How he started alone ... and ended ... alone .
YOU ARE READING
There Is No Such A Thing Called "Fate" ...
FanfictionIn a world with no abilities , no one of them had thought things would turn out this way ... even Dazai ...
