Prom

twenty seven

The days after were hell, pure hell. Harry was living a nightmare and I could do nothing but be there for him. He hadn't gotten to work, he hadn't left the bed, and he barely had the motivation to shower. He sipped on alcohol and had the news on not stop replay, each TV in the house with a different news channel. He watched his son on the TV screen, taking the blame confidently for everything that Harry and I had done. 

Some nights Harry and I would stay up looking at all the things that his ex had given us that were memories of his son. Not only did she give Harry all the things that were his when she took his son, but she gave us all the pictures of him she had and anything he had done that would mean something to Harry of their son. Old drawings, old school assignments, pictures from all his high school events. Anything. Harry would cry and cry looking at the pictures of his son living his life without him. He would touch the parts of the picture where his sons face was and just drink the pain away.

Harry wouldn't sleep but when he did he would wake up screaming, crying, and sweating through the sheets. He would tell me the nightmares he had about his ex and the night she revealed that he was taking the blame for our case. He had nightmares about when his son was taken away from him years and years ago. It killed me to see him like this. All the light that was left in him was gone, all the motivation and everything that had made him who he was was gone. He was losing so much of what made him love his life. 

I couldn't blame him either, how could I. His own flesh and blood son that he hadn't seen in years was taking the fall for a crime he didn't commit. The worst part was that we didn't know why he was doing this, what did he have to gain from going to prison. It wasn't like Holden was a trouble maker either. We had the record of how good of a kid he was. He wrote about how much he loved his grandparents, how much he missed his dad when he was a little boy. In high school he played sports and made honor roll. There was no evidence in any of this that he was a bad kid. He seemed to be headed down the right path. 

He didn't even look the part of a criminal either. Criminals could be attractive but that was beside the point. Holden looked exactly like what I thought Harry would have looked like when he was that young. He was a spitting image of his father and that made it just as hard to watch. You saw the connects in the two in almost everything they did. They were both honest to a fault, charming, and really knew how to work a crowd. No matter how much you watched him on the news you couldn't tell that he was lying. It was almost if he really did believe that he was the one behind this.

"Lana", Harry called from our bedroom. I was in the kitchen reading a book, trying my best to drown out the sound of the news that was constantly on. I understood why Harry wanted in on at all times but the news almost never changed. They never found out anything new and they never told anything different. I'm sure we would hear something if anything had changed.

"What's up", I said sitting down at the foot of the bed, Harry had his eyes glued to the screen and there was his son preparing to talk. He had four or five microphones close to his face and there were plenty of other microphones outside of the view of the camera judging by the background noise.

"Holden is going to be talking about why he did and saying when trial starts. I think its going to be televised."

It made my heart sink thinking about how "he had a reason for why he did it". Him and his mother had somehow thought of a reason for why he had done it and had planned this whole thing out. The world was believing it too, not a single person questioned any of the things he said. It made me feel so guilty and I had no idea what to do. Harry and I did something wrong and we couldn't own up to it. It was like Harry and I were sending his son to prison and that was the worst thing in the world. 

"My name is Holden Styles and I killed 5 people at a high school prom. I am not proud of these moments in my life and I can confidently say that this is the worst decision I have ever made in my life. I regret every, single moment of it and my heart goes out to the families of the people I killed. I understand how heartless I have been, how cruel I am, and how people like me deserve the worst things in the world. I am not asking for any forgiveness whatsoever and I understand and accept the fate of my actions, no one has to forgive me for the things that I have done. I just want to own up to them all. I just want to own up to the horrible person that I am."

By the end of his initial speech, I had moved back to the bed where Harry was and held him in my arms. He hadn't started crying until the end of the speech which he was proud of, and so was I. Something like that was usually so hard for Harry to get through.

"Holden, why did you do it?", one person asked. He looked down to the ground and then looked back up with a tear streaming down his cheek.

"I don't know why, something overcame me in those moments. I don't know what or why but I felt like I had to do it like if I did it someone would love me more, like they would accept me more, and come looking for me. I wanted to make them happy."

Holden was cut off in that moment and told not to answer anymore questions, he was then escorted back to wherever he was . Harry and I were sat in silence, shock taking over our bodies. Not many people would know what he was talking about and I'm sure that most people would think he is insane. The world would think he was killing for some sort of higher power and he would for sure plead insanity but Harry and I both knew what he meant.