Prom

thirty four

"He can't have visitors anymore", Harry almost yelled at me, "Can you fucking believe it, Lana. They wouldn't even give us one last visit or anything, a goodbye. Or at least a fucking call before we wasted all our time driving out here. What the fuck."

"Relax, baby. Breathe." 

I took Harry in for a hug and as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his neck in my chest I felt him start to cry. His breathing was heavy and I could feel wet, hot tears touch my neck. I rubbed my nails up and down his back and he just pulled me closer. He was fully breaking down and I couldn't help but cry with him, to see how much he was hurting broke me. I had no idea what was going on, or why any of this was happening but I could feel for him. He pulled from the hug, his eyes bloodshot before placing a kiss on my lips and getting in the car.

"So what happened?", I asked as we drove away from our destination, the day was no going how I had expected at all and I was full of questions. Holden was well behaved and friendly. I had never seen Holden disrespect someone in the prison before. If something had happened behind the bars, I would be shocked. It had to be a misunderstanding.

"It's crazy", he started, " and when the officer told me it made me so paranoid, even though I know there is nothing they could do but like still."

Harry ran his hands through his Harry a bit, a nervous tick of his. He placed a hand on my thigh before starting the story over again.

"The officer said that Holden was telling inmates and officers, anyone working in the jail, that you and I killed all those people on Prom night. They said he would stay up at night and tell people that we planned it and pinned it on him. He was being loud and rude and they said it was taking over his life. He was demanding someone take him back to court so that you and I could be put in jail."

"That's fucked", it made my blood boil once Harry started to explain it. Harry and I both knew he was right, I had no reason to be mad but it was scary. It was scary that Holden was planting our truth into the heads of law enforcement.

"The officer then goes onto say that this happens all the time. Inmates will blame their crimes on anyone in hopes of getting out of jail. Because we were the only people who visited him it made us really easy targets for blame. Holden was threatening to kill us if we ever came back to visit him and kill other inmates if they didn't let him out."

"That's so unlike him, Harry. I'm shocked."

"That's what I told the officer and he agreed. He said that this happens sometimes, well behaved inmates, who have the potential to move to a nicer prison or get out early, they just snap. The prison life is a lot for some people and it just drove him to insanity."

To know that Holden had been acting that was shocking. Holden had seemed to have the same gentle nature that Harry did, a gentle approach to life. Holden was the last person that I expected to pull something like this and it was upsetting. Harry loved his son and loved to visit him. He hated that this was the only way he saw his son but he accepted how it was going to be. This was a simple pleasure to Harry's life and to have that taken away from him was going to make him really upset.

"They said they would keep us updated on his health status and if he will get visitors ever again. Also, they gave us these two letters Holden wrote to me", Harry had the letters placed in between his legs and I grabbed the both of them and observed the envelopes. Holden wrote Harry's name in cursive on the front and had drawn a flock of birds in the corner. Harry had parked at a gas station about 15 minutes from my mom's house and just rested his head in his hands. 

"It's just so crazy, I'm in shock", Harry said, "The officer said that he has even told Holden that all the evidence leads to him doing it for a reason, he told him he wouldn't be in jail if there wasn't all this proof that lead to him." 

Harry and I sat in silence. All this information was enough to shock anyone. Harry and I never expected such a turn like this from Holden. The last time we saw him, six months ago, he was acting fine. The Holden that I had gotten to know who have never done this. Harry and I both knew that every thing he said was true, he wasn't lying. That was the worst part about it. We had to live with this too. He was telling the officers the truth, we did commit these crimes, and they had no choice to believe that he was wrong. 

That was a lot of weight on the both of our shoulders. For the longest time now, it felt like we had gotten away with this. I hadn't felt guilty for being apart of the plan to kill those people in a long time. I had focused on my work, on my child, on my relationship with Harry, and building my relationship with my mother and sister. I never thought about what we did anymore, this sparked something inside of me again and brought a tear to my eye. Not only had we planned and followed through with the murder of high school students, but we had sent an innocent teenager to prison.

"Do you want me to read one?", I asked, my hands fumbling with the envelope and he nodded. I took a sip of my water before opening up one of the envelopes and reading. Holden wrote in a sloppy, cursive handwriting on an off white piece of paper with no lines.

Dear Harry,
          I had a really good time visiting with you. You taught me a lot and even under these circumstances I am glad I got to know you. I grew up thinking you were a bad man. Every word my mother told me about you was hateful. She never wanted me to know you, she never gave me the chance to have a life with you. I hated her for that when I was younger but I had learned to trust her. Mother knows best. My mother... she doesn't know best and I wish that you and I could've had a relationship sooner. Maybe if you and I had a better relationship, you wouldn't have started dating young high school girls, you wouldn't have decided to kill a bunch of people. I like to think that I am the one person who would have made a difference in your life.
         I sit in a prison cell because of you, you and I both know that to be true. You and your wife have left me here to rot while you get to enjoy your lives. I hate you for that. You have a child, and I'm sure you will have more on the way. You both will very full lives and die of natural causes. You will be happy and you will experience millions of treasures in life that I will not get to experience. I am really smart, so I am sure I will figure a way out of this so just think about that. I am smart, I did really well in school, I am a good person, I still have a lot to offer to this world. I can not say the same about you. You are a murderer and I can not say that your wife is very smart either. She is a whore for marrying you, an older man who I assume doesn't see anything in her but vulnerability. Any woman who attaches themselves to you is an idiot after what you did to all those innocent children. You are both to blame for this crime and there will be justice for the lives that were lost, there will be justice for the fact that I am rotting in jail cell for something that I didn't do. 
         I treasure the fact that you came to visit me, though. It shows a lot about your character. It shows that the two of you were guilty for all the horrible things you have done in your life. You clearly feel bad and that is why you have come to visit me. Harry, you were a deadbeat father and a murderer. That is a lot of weight to have to live with and I would come visit me too if I was you. I hope you two learn the weight of your actions. I have no idea why you would do this. If I were in your position, I would have killed them for all the right reasons and I'm sure that you two didn't do that. Good luck with your lives, good luck with your children, good luck with your guilt. 

                            Yours Truly, 

                                         Holden 

Too Much to Ask// Niall Horan
Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You// The 1975