Delivery

38. Intonation

Want. Desire. Hope.

Madelyn used to want the company of a man once in a while. It was a controllable urge. Like a succulent plant that needed an occasional, thorough watering to survive, she was able to retain moisture. In between saturating events, she could stave off physical needs, or soothe them herself.

Then Harry happened. Some unknown force in the universe had been activated to align the stars that January night when he came to her with sustenance for her body and soul. He tracked snow into her house and fire into her heart. A primordial desire had been ignited within her. Greedily, she now yearned for him to fulfill every lustful craving that he had awakened, physically and emotionally.

The flowering that she felt was unmistakable. Under Harry's passionate and attentive care, she had ceased to survive and begun to thrive. Without him, she had been fine. Her career advanced, her finances compounded, her friendships grew. Her heart stagnated. Because without him, she was... just fine. Madelyn realized Harry presented a danger to her; the danger of hope. Hope was a beautiful thing until it faltered.

She hadn't been angry when she left him standing in the parking lot, gravel spitting under her tires. What she felt was so much worse; a sense of utter betrayal. It had nothing to do with that classless, tail-wagging, attention whore, either. Madelyn thought she had Kate's number nailed down. What burned was the fact that Harry tried to keep things from her. Madelyn laid herself bare before him. When he asked for full access to her past and present, she gave it to him. Although he hadn't brought it up in so many words, Madelyn knew she would give him her future as well.

Or at least she thought she would have. Now she wasn't sure where she stood with Harry.

He hadn't tried to stop her from leaving Next. Even if he had, Madelyn would have stayed the course straight out of his presence; but he could have at least made an attempt. Her phone didn't ring for a full 24 hours. When the notes of his ringtone finally echoed from her cell, she was out of energy. Instead of answering, she peeled her cheek from the soaked pillowcase where she had spilled what seemed a gallon of tears and rolled over.

All night she chased sleep with only fitful success. Madelyn dreamed they were in a meadow of green, purple, white and yellow. She lay down amongst the flowers, reaching up to Harry, the sun behind his back. He was handing her a bouquet of the flowers he'd picked. As she stretched to receive them, they became a handful of dirt which Harry allowed to fall over her lifeless body. The sky turned dark, releasing a torrent of rain and the meadow was transformed into mud. Harry's features shifted to an expression of heavy acceptance as he lifted a shovel that had been speared into the sodden earth by the grave in which Madelyn was suddenly lying. Each scoop of dirt blocked more of her vision of life with Harry, until she was once again alone, her heart cold.

She woke with a fire in her belly before the alarm went off. Something had to give. Harry had begun texting as if he were 15 and too timid to face his problems directly. Part of her recognized that he had made some effort and she could have responded. The louder voice in her head, however, proclaimed that she had worked hard to find value in herself and she deserved a man who wanted her badly enough to come for her. In her heart, Madelyn believed Harry was that man. She would wait one more day. If he didn't show up, then she would confront him. The thought of it raised her ire. It would require an effort to keep her Irish temper in check, but she wasn't going to let either one of them walk away without a fight.

As the day progressed, she decided what the situation called for was a distraction; something fun to lighten the mood and keep her from dwelling on all things Harry. A few phone calls later and an evening with her girlfriends was taking shape.

"You'll join us then? I'll understand if you'd rather not, but I feel we've become friends in our own right," Madelyn wasn't often awkward and did not enjoy the feeling.