Delivery

40. Pardon

"Why would you be afraid of yourself? I don't understand, Madelyn." He expected that telling her she made no sense whatsoever wasn't going to get him in the house.

With great intention, Harry tried not to appear intimidating in any way. He held his hands loose at his sides, and although she had opened the heavy door, he remained on the other side of the threshold. His heart was pounding like a racehorse's trying to escape the starting gate. Mentally, he nailed his boots to the deck so he didn't burst through the doorway and grab her.

Fleetingly, Harry wondered if she fully understood the effect she had on him and how empty his arms felt without her in them. Had the last several days been as torturous for her as they had been for him? Did she wake up at night, sweating because she thought she was alone in a black hole with the person she loved most in the world floating away? He did. Was she short-tempered during the day, giving everyone a glare that said, 'approach at your own peril?' He was. At any point, had she felt a level of loneliness that caused physical pain in her heart? He had. And he was really fucking done with this suffering.

"You should probably come inside and sit down," Standing back, Madelyn motioned toward the sofa under the painting he had admired the first night she asked him in. "Um, would you like something to drink?"

"No, I just want to fix this, fix us."

"I want that, too."

Harry sat down quickly while she moved at a slower pace.

"Madelyn."

"Yes?" she stopped moving.

"Lock the door. Please, always lock the door."

"Oh. Okay," She snicked the locks and set the alarm before making her way to the end of the couch opposite Harry.

He looked like hell, but she wanted him more than ever. Madelyn's thumb tingled with the desire to smooth the lines between his brows. She needed to slide her fingers into his hair and pull his mouth to hers, kissing away the worry in his eyes. The ability to maintain this physical distance wasn't going to last long, though she knew they needed to talk things through.

"How have you been?" "I've missed you," their words tumbled out in unison.

"I haven't been great if I'm being honest," Harry began. "I thought you wanted some space when you didn't answer my calls and texts. Then I started to think it might be worse than that."

"I've missed you, too, Harry. A lot. I know I should have acknowledged your calls, but I... I couldn't. You thought I was too weak to handle Catelyn's jealous behavior, so you chose to hide it from me. What does that say about how I measure up in your eyes?" she fiddled with the fringe on a pillow. "And you didn't come for me. I didn't rate high enough for you to come talk to me in person."

"No, Madelyn, it isn't like that at all! I wanted to protect you. I didn't want her nastiness to touch you, and if I'm completely honest, there was the fear that you wouldn't trust that I hadn't touched her," Harry shot up and began to pace, one hand on his hip, the other making an unholy mess of his curls.

"Listen to me, Harry. We've talked about trust, and you have mine, implicitly. You are a better man than to succumb to that girl's childish games, I believe that. Look, I'm going to be blunt here, I've dealt with a hell of a lot worse than Catelyn. It would be good for you to recognize that I can handle myself,"

They were both on their feet now; Madelyn straightening the room, punching the throw pillows as she went, tossing them back down.

"You're right, I'm so sorry. I won't cut you out in the future, even if what I want is to safeguard you. I need to trust that you're strong enough to manage the tough stuff, but I'm going to want to be there to help."