I'll always love you

10

( What the hell guys, 1000 reads! I love you all so much!)

-------Hamilton-------

"JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE, JOAN!" I screamed at John. My stomach dropped and my breath caught in my throat, what the fuck did I just say? I just called him Joan, that was the one thing he hated the most. I tried to apologize but I chocked on my words and nothing came out, shit.

John stood up, he looked physically sick but worse, he looked utterly and completely heartbroken. "Oh-ok-erm, sorry." He stuttered out and stared at the floor, fiddling with his hands. "I-I n-need to use the bath-bathroom." He blurted out before bolting out of the classroom down the corridor.

I could feel tears welling in my eyes as I held my head in my hands. I let out a small sob and wiped my nose.

I didn't mean to snap at John like that. I was just so stressed with everything. The fact that I most definitely caused my cousin's suicide, the daily verbal abuse I get from Thomas Jefferson and his cronies, the stress of work, everything!

Shit, I thought, John. I didn't know what to do, how could I possibly make a suitable apology for what I did. Before I knew it, the rest of the class had come in. Lafayette instantly recognized my expression and ran right over.

"Mon ami, what is wrong?" I gulped, wondering whether to tell him or not.

"Laf, I didn't mean to, honestly."

"What Alexander, where is John?" Lafayette was starting to get anxious now.

"I-I shouted at-at J-john." I stuttered out, unwilling to finish the sentence.

"Well, that's not that bad." Laf replied.

"No, I-I sho-shouted at him and called him....well I.... called-called him J-Joan." Lafayette looked surprised, shocked and then angry, really angry. Well shit.

"YOU CALLED HIM WHAT? OH ALEX, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR BUD."

I gulped hardly before mumbling out, "Laf, I didn't mean to, i'm so-"

"DON'T EVEN TRY SAY SORRY TO ME, GO AND FIND HIM FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Everyone was looking at us so I took the opportunity to run out of the room.

I ran down the hall as quickly as possible, John was probably sobbing so hard.

When I reached the bathroom I stopped outside the door for a little while. I was, of course, trying to hear if he was crying but I heard nothing.

It was completely silent.

Without thinking, I slammed open the door. The sight I saw looked like it came straight out of a horror movie.

A mirror was smashed to bits, blood trailing down it. One door of a stall was smashed in.

Another mirror had huge letters on it, it didn't concern me until I read what those letters were saying.

FUCK ALL OF YOU

I'M SO SORRY I WAS BORN -JOHN LAURENS XX

The words hit me like a truck, instinctively I looked down and gasped at the horrific thing I saw.

John was lying, limp, on the floor; face pale and hands covered in blood. One of those bloodied hands was cramped around a small bottle of pills. I started joining all the dots in my head and eventually realized the sickly truth.

John had killed himself.

"Shit!" I screamed before dropping to my knees next to him.

This was the second suicide caused by me, I was such a fuck up.

I felt the cold tears start streaming out of my eyes as I stared at John's body. I held his head in my hands and kissed his forehead softly, sweetly. "John, I'm sorry John. So sorry, please wake up. Wake up for me." I kept repeating. My hands stroked his hair.

He really was gone, my one love. Gone. Gone because of me.

"John please. I'm so sorry. I meant nothing. I love you so much John. So, so much." I leaned down and placed my head on his chest, which was terrifyingly silent. I let the tears pour out as I hugged him tighter.

Suddenly a small beat came from John's heart and I went light-headed. "John!" I screamed to him. "John ,baby, are you alive?" another beat confirmed it. His eyes were still tightly shut and his face was still pale but his heart was working. That was the only thing I needed to know. "You're alive!"

I scrambled to my feet and grabbed my phone without hesitation. I rang 999 (I'm English, okay?) and requested an immediate ambulance.

There was a huge commotion with the students as the paramedics rushed down the corridors. They confirmed that John was alive. Praise the lord. Soon enough, John and I were in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

They didn't let me see him for a while, they said they needed time to get him in a stable condition first. When they did, however, I rushed through and gasped as I saw my John hooked up to numerous machines.

"John, oh John my darling." I breathed out as I rushed to his side.

"Alexander?" He croaked out. Just hearing his voice made my heart explode.

"Yes. It's me."

"Get out." That hit me like a bomb. Tears started welling in my eyes as I grabbed his hand and he pulled it away.

"What?" I rasped out, fighting back tears.

"You don't love me Hamilton. Stop pretending." I couldn't fight them anymore, the tears flooded out of my eyes and surprisingly, John looked terribly alarmed.

"But I do! I love you so much John. So fucking much. You're the only person that makes me happy, you light up my world." John looked down at his hands and shook his head. "John. You fill my heart, you give me a heart full of love." (Hello, Les Miserables.)

John gulped before croaking out, "Really. You love me?"

"Yes, John. Of course I love you."

"I love you too, Alexander."

A/N Finally an update! Sorry if I make you cry, I'm known to do that! I don't know why I have reached 1K reads, this is just a piece of trash but thank you all so much anyways. I will try my hardest to have more frequent updates but I'm not promising anything!

-Alice