I'll always love you

Epilouge

Prepare yourself for some deep crap and I love y'all so much, hope you all enjoyed my story and didn't die of overwhelming sadness like some of you were talking about in the comments!! 

//in order to make this chapter have the effect I wanted, it changes from past tense to present tense a couple of times, please don't hate me!//

P.s you guys are all amazing people and I'm actually so happy that you've enjoyed this book and my previous book! I love you all so frickin much!!!

----Hamilton----

Three days had passed since John died.

I hadn't left the dorm.

I hadn't left John's bed.

I wouldn't let anyone in.

Except from Laf who cared for me because I wasn't capable.

I hadn't taken off John's big hoodie.

I wasn't going to take it off.

It smelt like John.

I liked the smell of John.

Of my john.

Everything was all blurry, I couldn't see straight, the world was less bright now, it was harder to see things.

Everyone was upset.

They all said the best way to get better was to socialise and be around happy people.

But is anyone ever actually happy?

Or does everyone always just paint their smile on?

I learnt to never trust a smile.

Smiles are almost always drawn on to show sympathy, to show pity.

I couldn't even paint one on, I couldn't move my hands.

I felt like I was paralysed, that only John could make me move again.

I remember the times we danced to show tunes in our dorm.

That would never happen again.

Now, there was no one to fight the voice in my head whispering stuff into my mind.

Bad stuff.

John always told me to not believe the little voice, but John was gone.

And so, I believed it when it told me that I was worthless, that I was an idiot, that John always pretend to love me and he is happier without me on the other side.

I tried to make things work, I tried talking with my friends but I only just brought them down. 

Sometimes I managed it, happiness, but then it was gone.

Because as we all know, even happiness hurts eventually.

I look in the mirror every morning.

I see nothing.

Nothing important.

Just a person with large eye bags and a pale face, with bloodshot eyes and a hunched frame.