43. Tracy

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After breakfast this morning, Seth had left for work before I could announce my exciting—if not a little bit terrifying—news. Guess that will have to wait until tomorrow because now I've got to busy myself with making the house presentable. This place is fit for a monkey. No joke. There's junk everywhere and I have no clue what to do with it. So, I do what any normal person would do. I dump it all into trash bags and then shove the bags into the spare room—which is where they're probably stay until the day I die.

I've been cleaning like a chipmunk on speed and finally, by two in the afternoon, the house looks presentable. Seth and I have settled on doing burgers on the grill, but I still feel as though a couple side dishes would be nice. I make a quick trip to the store, gathering supplies for potato salad and some chips and salsa, before making my way home.

It's close to four by the time I start cooking, and Seth mentioned he'd be home around five to start up the grill. I find myself actually excited. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with meeting Tracy and finally feeling secure about her friendship with Seth, or if I'm just excited to get some human interaction for once. Whatever the reason, I'm thankful that I have something to look forward to.

I get to work chopping up potatoes, celery, onion, tomatoes, and other ingredients for salsa and potato salad. I've just blended the salsa together in the food processor when I hear Seth pull in. My chest constricts with the reality of the moment. We're actually having people over.

Our relationship was so bad before that we never even had company. I'm still not entirely sure why Seth refused to have friends over throughout that time. Maybe one of these days he'll explain himself to me.

Scratch that. One of these days I'm going to make him explain himself to me.

I greet him with a 'howdy' and a smile as he enters the house, and then turn back to my task. Seth utters a 'hello' back, but I don't realize he's entered the kitchen until I feel his arms slide around my waist. It's similar to what I'd imagine a snake feeling like if it were to wrap itself around my body. Shocking at first, and then invigorating.

I melt into Seth's embrace, s when I feel his lips meet the skin just behind my jugular. There's something intoxicating about the person you love brushing their lips over a part of your body that's stirring with life. It's as if his lips are the flame, bringing my blood to a boil.

The sensation doesn't last long, because he's pulling away before I can fully enjoy it. I turn my head, following his movements as he heads out the backdoor. A moment later, he returns and pulls a package of thawed minced beef from the fridge, and dumps it into a mixing bowl. We work silently, side-by-side until Seth is finished seasoning the meat and squishing it into patties. Then he's heading back outside, my greedy eyes following his movements until the door blocks him from view.

Once my dishes are completed, I stick them in the fridge to keep them cold before making my way outside. Seth is whistling to himself, his back to me as he peeks in on the burgers. Not satisfied, he closes the lid and resumes whistling. He seems so content. It's like he was meant to be a carefree, burger-flipping husband. For a moment, we look normal. I'm the proud wife, watching her husband work, and he's the diligent husband providing for his hungry family. It's a beautiful sight and one that I hope we can make a normal routine soon.

I want us to feel normal, not just look it. It's one thing to put effort into gaining back what we had, but I'm growing tired of the effort. I'm just ready for us to find comfort in each other again. I don't like having to watch what I say or what I do in fear of pushing us back to the beginning. I want us to finally be standing on that sturdy platform as a happy couple, willing to fight the battles of life together instead of letting life fall apart around us as we battle each other. We're supposed to be a team, and I'm beyond thrilled to see us actually acting it... even if that's all it is right now... acting.

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