45. Cuddles, Kisses, and... Crap

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Seth and I let water settle around us as we lay cradled against each other, conversation bouncing between us. We haven't been this carefree in a long time. We don't talk about much of importance after my announcement, but we have a new level of openness between us. I can feel all the things we've been dying to say to each other over the months coming out from hiding. We're just simply talking.

I'm practically an ice-cube by the time we pull ourselves off the mattress. The air has definitely faded into the beginnings of fall, and I'm absolutely miserable now as I quake with chills running through my blood. I'll definitely pay for this later, but it's so worth it now.

Thankfully, I came prepared for this. Rooting through my satchel, I pull out a couple small blankets and a lighter. Seth glances at the fire-starter in my hand and instantly volunteers to go on a wood hunt.

Fifteen minutes later, he returns, bare arms cradling a heap of wood. He immediately gets to work setting the sticks and logs into a miniature tee-pee. I just watch, happily snuggled into my blanket as Seth shows off his outdoorsy manliness.

Within minutes, smoke is billowing from the stack of wood as he blows gently into the depths of it. His eyes find mine as he bents to blow another few breaths into the heated center of the sticks until a small flicker comes to life. The warmth radiating from the flames is almost as powerful as the heat in Seth's gaze.

He leans back on the balls of his feet, gazing at the flame dancing between the pieces of wood. Once satisfied that it's not going to die out, he places a few more scraps of debris on the fire and comes to settle down next to me.

By now, I've got my jeans and tank top back on. Any added layers to keep me warm are definitely welcome. So, when Seth drops his arm over my shoulder, I instantly lean into his side. He smells so good—a mix of spicy cologne and smoked wood. I have a desire to turn my face into his naked side just so I can take a deeper whiff... which is exactly what I do.

I breathe him in, his skin warm against my face as I close my eyes to savor the scent. I feel his fingers rise up towards the side of my face and he slides my hair over my ear. He doesn't remove his hand after that though, but instead, continues to glide his thumb over the skin just beneath my earlobe.

It's this kind of physical contact that I've been needing. I don't need hugs from strangers, or co-workers... I need them from my husband. I used to take Seth's touches for granted, thinking it was just a part of his title as 'husband', but now it's so much more than that. It's like his fingers carry a spell in them. Just a gentle caress makes me feel so much more cherished than ever before. It's beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. Because as much as I love this moment right now, I fear that it won't last.

What if life settles back down to normal and we just carry on with how we were before. Sure, our relationship at the beginning was fabulous, but there were still days when it was just normal. I never want to just be 'normal' again. I want every moment of our lives together to be special. Even the mundane, daily aspects of living... I want them to mean something more, just because of the simple fact that I get to spend them next to my soulmate.

"I hope you know how much you mean to me," I hear Seth whisper into the crown of my head, his breath tickling my hair.

I don't respond, because those simple words suddenly bring a wave of sadness into my heart and I'm not in the mood to be sad. I want to turn toward him, grab his face in my hands, and explain that I might know how much I mean to him if he'd just tell me. But, when he refused to tell me that he loved me just days ago, he unknowingly told me exactly how he felt.

This moment is too special to mess up. If I respond to Seth, then I'll most certainly mess it up. So, I just snuggle closer to his side, letting his fingers weave themselves into my hair. Minutes tick by, neither of us speaking as we listen to the outdoors sing lullabies to each other. It's peaceful and settling. My eyes are slowly closing, the sound of Seth's steady heartbeat against my ear offering a warm sense of security to my needy spirit.

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