I Miss You

S E V E N

     I sat in the third row on the left side of the dim church. People surrounded me dressed in black. My grandmother sat on my right in a black dress and jacket, next to her grandpa sat in a black suit. On my left was my brother, Ace and Jason, who Oliver kept a very close eye on might I add. Ace had no clue why he was really here, all he knows is Margaret was found in the river, I guess he assumed she had drowned. The preacher has been talking for about fifteen minutes now about heaven and how Margaret is in a better place.  In the center of the four rows a red carpet sat leading up to the small stage her casket was held on. 

     About 5 songs and 20 minutes worth of prayer later and I was standing outside of the church. I could hear the out side conversations blend together. "I'm glade they found the body" "why was it in the water?" "Do you think the little girl is floating around to?" I couldn't be mad, those questions were filling all of our heads. It killed that I could answer so many of them.  This morning they searched the lake for Karmin's  body along with the cliff and the surrounding woods. We won't know until tomorrow afternoon if they found any thing. This thought haunted my brain all day. The thought of them finding her body gave me a since of relief yet a since of dread. This could end my guilt, there would be no more useful information left to lie about.

     "Cam, do you wanna come with us to the hospital to fill Karsyn in on the funeral?" My grandfather asked with a smile as we approached our cars.

     Fill him in? Why did we need to tell Karsyn about the funeral? Margaret was no where near as bad as him don't get me wrong, but she never stopped him, not once. Margaret was also the only one he showed any kind of grief for, but that's not saying much since he threw her body over the cliff as well.

  "Cam?" Oliver said breaking me out of deep thought.

     "No, I'm going to take Ace home." I responded nodding at the Irish boy. My family nodded and got into my grandmother's blue jeep.

     Both Ace and I got into my car before I found my way out of the crowded church parking lot. The drive threw the country roads to Ace's house was silent apart from my radio.
    "So she drowned?" Ace asked out of no where. His question threw me off a large amount. He still has no clue?

     "I'm not to sure" I lied twiddling my fingers against the steering wheel"Did they do an autopsy?" Ace asked 

"I am sure they did" I said even though I  knew for a fact that they did. 

"Do you think they will make it public? you know, how she died." Ace questioned me

"I really dont know, Mason" I said using his full name hoping that would make him stop. 

"Your family new her?" He looked at me with slight fear. He was scared of hitting a nerve now.

 "You could say that" I didn't look at him

  "You were really torn up when you saw......her" he choked on her name like she was a serial killer and I was the victims family, a sound I knew well.

 "Yeah well, it's not every day you see a dead body floating in the river" I said dryly. It amazed me that Ace didn't know about the wreck or at least he ignored all the gossip. Maybe he was lying? 

      Ace stayed silent after that. The driver from the church to the area we both lived in was a good 45 minutes on a decent day, due to the 5 o'clock traffic however I don't see us getting there for at least an hour.

     "Is she the reson you went to the cliff?" Ace asked. What is he playing at? I'm not getting roped into this. Avoid the question, avoid the question

    " So your real name is Mason?" I took a turn down a naboir hood street in order to get away from the upcoming traffic.

     "Yeah" he said, not a single hint of emotion behind it.

     "Why don't you go by that?" I asked, pointing the spotlight at him before he could even think to turn it on me.

     "My dad's name was Mason" he looked down then at me "well....is" he finished. Dead? Left? Divorce? Why is it a was and why did you correct your self?

     "So it's not really a good thing to think about.....I'm sorry?" It sounded like a question but I ment it as a statement.

     "No, it's totally fine. He has been calling me that for years, it just kinda stuck" He smiled as he replayed memory's in his head.

     "I get that, my siblings have been calling me Cam for as long as I could remember" I smiled with him

     "Why Cam? I Mean I know it's your last name but why go by that?" He never took his eyes off of me.

     "Well my sister used to call me CeCe, but my grandmother or parents would never let me go by that officially. I threw a tantrum, that is until my brother Karsyn called me Cam. I have no clue why but I fell in love with the nickname, and since it was apart of my last name I got to at least wright it when spelling my full name." I smiled at the memory, that is until it dawned on my. The depression engulfed me, every thing about that name came from one person, all of those people left me.

     "So why did you move?" I asked. Pull your self out, give yourself a distraction.

     "Just problems back home" Mason shrugged.  What kind of problems end in moving half way across the world.

     "Wha....."

     Ace cut me off by turning up the radio "I love this song" he smiled as Korn filled the car. I started laughing at his head banging. He drummed is finger on my dash perfectly on beat. I'm smiling? Laughing? It feels amazing. No matter how much he try to crawl into my head, he still doesn't know. He is the only one who doesn't give me that look or use that tone. This idiot next to me, is my only escape from this trauma and I'm taking it.