I Miss You

E I G H T

"We are sorry to bother you kids once again" the officers said as they say sat opposite Oliver and I at my grandmother's antic kitchen table.

"Do you know any were else the body could be? What about a place that Karmin would run if she was scared?" The female officer asked as she taped her pencil against her leather notepad case. Do they really think she could be alive? They don't know about the pulse or the blood. The don't know the tears that spilled out of her eyes as she struggled to keep them open.

"No, we have no clue were she could be." Oliver's voice was stern, protective, maybe even angry. The police had been to our house a number of times looking for bodies, and various other questions about the crash.

"You don't remember any thing from the crash, like were your sister could have gone?" My body tensed, the male officer was staring deep into my eyes. His face looked almost stern, he thought I was lying. Or did he? How could he know, the docter said I had major head damage. The officer is trying to read me. He wants me to admit the night in gruesome detail, solving all his problems.

"Yes, sir" I pulled my best poker face. I crossed my arms and leaned slightly towards Oliver. I needed to break his gaze, any thing to break his gaze. "I do not remember a single thing from the crash" The lie rolled off my tongue slowly as the guilt once again filled my stomach.

"What about you?" The female officer said pointing her pin towards Oliver, breaking the staring contests between her partner and I.

"I woke up in an ambulance" Oliver growled, his voice was vicious or just plane pissed off. "Look you have came here multiple times asking the same damn thing.."

"Calm down, young man" the female warned.

"I'm know this is a tough situation, but we want to do every thing we can to find your sister alive." The male officer said as he faked a sad, sympathetic look.

"She is not alive!" I yelled as I stood up from the table. I can't handle this, they need to lose hope. She's dead and has been since the wreck. The searches, the news, the questions, why won't they just give up?

"But how do you know?" Her voice was calm, but mine wasn't.

"Get out, leave me alone, I'm done with this shit." I stormed off, running up the stairs. She's dead the words echoed in my head, I didn't exactly say it out loud but I should have. I pulled out my phone from the pocket of my black skinny jeans. I just want a break from the memory's.

They did not find her in the lake? where else would he have thrown her! I stressed pulling the roots of my hair. I grasped my phone in my shaky palms. 

To: Ace (is it cool if I come over?)

From: Ace (yeah, always)

To: Ace (be there soon)

     I threw my phone on the bed and pulled on a pair of tan uggs. I grabbed a random hoodie with my school logo printed on it. I pull my back pack off the hook on my bedroom door. I ran down stairs, praying I wouldn't have to face any more questions.

"I said go the hell away" I herd Oliver's voice as I ran towards the front door. Are the police still here? I creeped towards the door to see Oliver standing in front of it. The door was just barely open, but I could just barley see the Fermilure black hair on the other side of the door. I walked closer to the door until I was almost a few feet from my brother.

"Who is at the door?" I said, Oliver turned his head towards me his vein just above his temple was popping out and his face looked almost red.

"It's no one, just got to your room" his voice was low, almost a whisper.

"Celeste, I need to talk to you" Jason's voice sounded urgent, as he fought his way in the house.

" I said no, you are not talking to her" Oliver yelled, he tried to slam the door but he couldn't due to Jason's strength.

"Oliver let him talk to me." I attempted to pushed my brother out of the way.

" No, Celeste" Oliver yelled "I'm not gonna let you talk to him, I told you to stay the hell away from him" I've never herd this tone of voice, Oliver has never yelled at me.

"Come on man" Jason pleaded

"No, screw you. You are not aloud to take what I have left." Oliver slammed the door in Jason's face. He was shaking with anger, and his teeth grinned together as he attempted to control his breathing. "Please Cel, just please stay away from him" Oliver put his hands on my shoulder, only for me to back away from his grip.

    I've never been scared of you. Your supposed to keep me safe from monsters, and hold me when I cry. Your my older brother, your not supposed to scare me. Why is he bad? Why won't you tell me? He is not his father, Oliver knows that.

"He isn't his father" I murmured as I backed away from Oliver.

"You don't know what he is, Celeste" He gave me a concerning look. I know it hurts, you never want me to be scared of you. 

"How do you know?" My voice was a whisper, tears lined my eyes like eye liner. Your not supposed to scare me.

"I know things, Celeste. Now is not the time to tell you." Your trying to protect me, something you have failed at since we met that man.

"I just want answers" my voice cracked

"Celeste, please don't fall for his shit. He has his fathers blood, he is not innocent" Oliver was begging, pleading, he new something I didn't about Jason.

"Tell me" I didn't mean to yell but the anger once again took control.

"I cant" He looked like he was about to cry. He put his hand around my wrist only to have me rip them out of his grip. I ran up the stairs with steam practically coming out of my ears, yet tears threatening to spill.

    Calm down, don't lash out. Just calm down, your better than this. Breath, don't be a Victim of your brain. I ran into my bathroom and turned my shower on. Just calm down. I quickly undressed, and headed towards the shower. That is until I caught a sight of my self in the mirror, the scars are almost gone. He would hate that, he would open them twice as deep. He wouldn't let them heal, and he should make sure you didn't either. I opened my bathroom cabinet and reached for the box. What the hell are you doing? He's not here anymore, you don't have to do it. I grabbed the blade and placed it in between my finger tips. My hand hovered over the freshest cut. I'd never done this, he always did. Why was I craving this, I'm no better than him. I dropped the blade, my shoulder began to bleed slightly. No, no, no I didn't mean to do this. Why the hell did I do this. My breathing felt heavy yet faint. I could no longer hear the sound of the shower or the radio my grandparents always kept on. All I herd was my heart beat and all I saw was him, the memory played over and over in my head. I did this, I'm no better then him.