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Chapter 6: Anger & Guilt

“Two wicked boys kept popping up in my sight. They were truly mischievous and trouble. But, what can I do? I love them just the same. Even if the pain I felt almost ate me alive, it taught me a lesson and showed me how to get past that monstrous feeling.”

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   Nothing could be heard in the house other than the grumbling of her stomach. Entering the kitchen, her destination is the refrigerator. But something prevented her to reach her desired location. Glancing at the book, she immediately halted. She held the book in her hands, flipping pages, suddenly making her dizzy and sleepy but she continues to read it.

“It was eating me alive. A feeling so monstrous, so powerful and vicious. That feeling coined as guilt. The regrets in my head the accusations and faults scream in my mind like poison being spat from someone’s mouth.  It was all in my mind, they said. George, you absolute fool. It’s different. The constant guilt I feel from his faults and sins fill me as all my sanity washes away completely.”

Maria quickly closed the book. The words she had read stuck to her mind. Was this man’s condition that bad? George. George is his name. He must be overreacting... right? It couldn’t be that detailed for an emotion. She ignored her thoughts and went to the refrigerator, finding something to eat. Still curious what is in the book, she grabs it once again and reads another chapter.

  “No! Not this again! I can’t help but feel this way. There’s no one to blame but myself. Now it’s written all over me. I can’t help it, no one can. All these problems including untrustworthy people attacking me as if I’m some piece of trash to them!”

Maria, who was in a deep slumber, became conscious with her surroundings to a dip in her bed. Slowly, she opened her eyes to reveal a strange person sitting on her bed. She quickly got up and was about to hit the stranger but the person quickly spoke, "Don’t freak out! I’m nice!" The person exclaimed. But Maria wasn’t convinced. To her surprise, she looked into the person’s eyes and felt calm... strangely calm.  She sat back down on the messed up bed and looked at the intruder for a minute. She couldn’t identify its gender. A boy? A girl? She couldn’t tell. But that’s not really important as of this moment.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” She interrogated.

The person chuckled and replied, “I’m not dangerous so don’t worry. I’m here to tell you what you’ve done to others. Wait, let me rephrase that. I’m here to tell you you’re wrong doings and that you should think- or rather reflect on them. Was that the right word? Ah yes, yes it is,” He finished his explanation.

But, she was still befuddled. “You didn’t answer my other question,” Maria pressed, “Who. Are. You,” She said, trying to threaten the stranger.

The person laughed and responded, “Sweetheart, my name isn’t important right now. What’s important is my mission, to let you know what you’ve done wrong so you could reflect on them.”

So she accepted this strange person. She even let him? her? live in the house for Pete’s sake! But, as time passes by, something was off. The so called ‘reflecting on her mistakes’ wasn’t exactly as the mysterious person planned it to be. Maria was starting to feel this feeling she thinks is more horrible than anything else. She couldn’t put her finger on it. The person would tell her everything she supposedly had done wrong but, she wasn’t exactly reflecting on her mistakes. Not knowing what this foreign feeling was, she grabbed George’s book thinking it might help her find what she’s looking for.

“A feeling so monstrous, so powerful and vicious. That feeling coined as guilt.”

She read those words over and over again. It described what she was feeling perfectly. Could it be guilt? It could be, but is it likely? She started getting frustrated, how could she get rid of this sickening feeling? The person then showed up in her sight.

“I forgot to tell you,” He smiled, “I came here with a condition as well. You feel guilty, right? Excellent. You finally reflected on your mistakes. My friend, Yrre, will take over now. My mission here is done,” He smiled wickedly before disappearing in front of her. She was confused. She was in shock. How- how did this stranger leave by mysteriously disappearing? Even though he left, guilt was still in her. Before she could even process what just happened, another stranger then appeared. This time, it was a boy.

“You must be Maria. My friend sent me here. He must be done with you already. You couldn’t really tell his gender but trust me, he’s male and his name is Aition. He doesn’t really introduce himself. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m-”

“Yrre,” She cut him off, “Your name means anger... Please, go away. I don’t want anymore parasites feeding on me. Please go,” She begged. The stranger felt bad for the poor girl so he thought of a way to still fulfill his mission without staying with her.

“I have thought of something else. I may leave, but my aura will stay in you. You’re lucky you made me feel pity for you. I’ll be going now,” He disappeared in front of her sight. She then felt a pang in her chest. He was right. He left his aura in her. It was anger. She started feeling agitated, frustrated at everything she’d done wrong. She was mad at herself for feeling guilty.

Time passed by and it is only getting worse. The two emotions, guilt and anger, was truly a deadly combination. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t do anything without feeling those two emotions attacking her. But one day, she had enough.

She screamed, she cried, she begged, “Please! I don’t want this anymore! I want to be free! I know I made mistakes, but what I am doing right now is not reflecting on them! I don’t have to be guilty for everything, it has already been done and I don’t have anything to do about it. I won’t linger in the past and feel guilty, mad. I’ll make my present right to cover up the wrong!”

A miracle then happened, there was no pain. There was so sorrow. Did she finally drive those monstrous emotions away? She did. There was no weight, only happiness. She finally felt happy, joyful. She cried tears of joy and smiled. She finally learned to never dwell in the past, but live in the present.