To Love a Son

Twenty.

       

A/N: I'm so sorry about switching it to third person but I just really feel like that's where it needs to be for this part of the story. It will go back to first person shortly, if not even in this chapter. Please, forgive me.

I didn't get the five comments i asked for from different readers but someone was persistent so i'm giving them an update. Please comment. I'd love to keep updating.

Twenty.

The members of SAMCRO sat around the table in church as they dealt with the issue at hand. The mood in the room was a somber one as the matter effected everyone personally yet in their own way. Clay sat at the head of the table with Jax at his left and Tig at his right. Happy was towards the end of the table but his hard glare was focused on the center of the table.

Happy had said barely one word to any of the members since the event that took place that morning. His eyes were darker than normal and his body tense, he hadn't left her side until it was time to head to the club house and even then, he waited until she had fallen asleep and Gemma was with her.

"I don't need to reiterate what's happened, we all know." Clay started, pulling everyone attention in on him. "She hasn't been able to give us much yet, she is still pretty shaken up, but we have to go about this smart."

"They're mine." Happy's deep voice sounded and everyone agreed him with instantly.

"Absolutely brother, that right is yours." Clay gave him a stiff nod. "How is she?" They looked to Happy for an answer but it was Jax who spoke up for him.

"She is torn up, she wouldn't even let me touch her, the only man she'll let near her is Hap. We even had to switch out the doctors, she saw he was a man and had a panic attack." The men around the table didn't know what to say as their anger boiled over within them. "Ma and Luann are with her now. The doc said they are keeping till tomorrow to observe her over night because the damage was so bad."

"Hap, when she gets home tomorrow, you think you could try to talk to about what happened? I don't want to make her any more uncomfortable than she already is."

Happy's fist clenched on the table and he closed his tightly. He didn't want to talk to her about it because he didn't want her to think about it. He didn't want to put her through that but he knew that in order to find the bastards who did this, she needed to talk. He gave Clay a nod.

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Carmen's POV

I laid in the hospital bed with my eyes open yet I wasn't looking anything. Luann and my mom were both in the room, mom was sitting in the chair near my bed and Luann was at the window seat. I didn't want them there but I also didn't want to be left alone. I knew that if I was left alone then my mind would wonder to dark places and I didn't want that.

I didn't want to feel this.

When I first woke up it was in this very room surrounded by a doctor and two nurses who I didn't know. I panicked. I kicked, screamed, and pushed them away from me as I tried to escape, the only thought in my mind had been to escape. Happy had ran into the room, pushing the doctors away from me in the process, and pulled me into his arms.

I instantly felt like things were going to be okay, almost as if it had all been a nightmare but he was there so it had to be okay, right? Wrong. I was wrong. The pain didn't leave. The hole in my chest didn't fill at the feeling of being in his arms. I wasn't okay and Happy didn't take the pain away although he was the only one who made it even slightly bearable.

My head snapped towards the door as it opened and I watched with hesitation as Juice walked in.

"Jax and Hap are on their way." He informed us.

"Juice," My mother started, "Can you run down to the diner and pick up some food once they get here?"

"Yeah of course."

"I'm not hungry." I spoke for the first time and though my mother was glad to hear my voice, she didn't agree with my words.

"Nonsense, you haven't eaten since yesterday." She said gently but I didn't bother looking at her, my eyes were focused on the white wall. "Just try to eat something?"

"I'm not hungry." I repeated. She didn't argue but I didn't miss the look she gave Juice, he was still going to be getting food. My mother wouldn't give up that easily.

I thought I had hit my rock bottom, I thought that the abuse and the drugs from my old boss was my lowest point and the worst I would feel but I was so wrong. It didn't even compare to this moment, this earth-shattering feeling within in me. It felt like the sun would never be warm again.

I must have zoned out because when I opened my eyes again both Jax and Happy were in the room. Jax was in the corner talking to mom and Happy had taken her seat by my side. His eyes were already on me by the time I realized he was there. We didn't say anything, there wasn't anything to be said. He just took my hand in his and I appreciated it.

I knew that I was now damaged goods, Happy wouldn't want me anymore, not after what those men did to me. It hurt me to think about him leaving me, in fact it broke what was left of my heart but I knew how men were. They were possessive and jealous and I had been ruined for him.

"Hey sis." Jax said but he kept his distance which I was thankful for.

"Hey." I said back emotionlessly.

"Juice is bringing back some food, you hungry?" He asked and I saw mom smirk. She probably told him I wasn't eating.

"No."

"Come on," He said carefully, "You gotta eat something."

"No actually I don't."

"Carmen..." Happy started but I cut him off, looking around the room at the four of them.

"No!" I raised my voice, catching them all off guard. "Damnit I'm not hungry! Sorry if I don't have a fucking appetite but after last night the thought of food makes me sick. Just leave me alone! I'm not okay so don't act like nothing happened."

No one had the chance to respond because Juice walked through the door with a bag of food in his hand.

"I brought dinner."

"Get out!" I yelled, grabbing my water cup and chucking it at his head in the process. "All of you! Just get out!" I started to sob into my hands uncontrollably. Jax moved to comfort me but I pulled away from him and found myself leaning into Happy who was now standing at the side of my bed instead of sitting.

I wasn't being strong, I was being weak but I felt like I deserved at least one day of weakness. Tomorrow I would change. Tomorrow things would be different.