Fading Scars [incomplete/no current plans of completion]

Chapter 11: Fading Scars

I am going to try to start updating regularly. I will start with twice a week (Mondays and Wednesdays) and then soon after with three. I am marking it on my calendar and writing it in my schedule!!

******************************************************************************************

Chapter 11

I woke slowly falling in and out of consciousness before fully awakening, but when I did wake, I woke with a start. I sprung up vividly remembering the last conversation I’d had with Annabelle. I wanted to cry yet again, but what good would that do crying would get me no closer to finding Joan, so I wouldn’t.

I walked into the kitchen silently, just in case Annabelle was looming in the halls. I looked into the freezer, surprised to find ground beef. I quickly made the meat and set it in a bowl, along with cilantro, tomatoes, onions, and lettuce, each in a new bowl. I fried two taco shells and made Annabelle's plate, placing the rest in the fridge. I set the plate on the table and walked out the door. I needed to clear my head. For a long time I am walking with no destination in mind until I found myself staring at Jayden's house

I considered leaving as well as staying, I’d walked away telling myself to leave only to end up walking back, and repeating the process. Once I had finally made up mind to leave I turned and walked confidently away to merely be stopped by Jayden's voice.

“Hey what are you doing here?” He yelled as he jogged over to me, smiling. He must have seen the dead look in my eyes because slowly his smile faded.

“What? What’s wrong?” he asked. I couldn’t hold it in anymore I burst out crying, I knew it would do no good, but what else could I do? My only chance of finding Joan is through Annabelle and my chances of that happening are slim and none. And slim just left the building.

Jayden didn’t say anything or try to get my to stop crying, he just rubbed my back and listened to me blubber nonsense, about Joan, Annabelle and John. He took me inside and I told him about Joan.

Three Months Later.      

Joan had been missing for three months and Annabelle acted as if she had no clue as to where she could be when the police asked, when I tried to tell she dismissed me and once they left I got a hard, bloody beating, one that warned me of the consequences if I were to tell.

I had moved in with Jayden, over the last few months we have gotten closer. And I think I liked the direction it was going in.

Currently Jayden and I were sitting on the floor watching The Notebook.

“Hey,” Jayden whispered.

“Shhhh,” I responded.

“Hey,” he whispered again.

“Shhhhhh.” 

Though I knew the movie by heart I was upset I’d already missed at least a minute of my favorite part.

After about a minute passed I heard Jayden whisper,

“Hey.”

“Oh for goodness sake!” I screamed, glaring at him, “What do you want?”

“I’m hungry,” He spoke trying to hide his smirk. I half smiled, before repeatedly hitting him with a stray pillow from the couch.

“You Idiot, you know that’s my favorite part!”

“That you’ve seen a million times,” he said before the pillow came in contact with his face again.

I didn’t get the chance to hit him again seeing as he rolled us over so that he was hovering over me.

“I’m sorry?” he questioned raising his eybrows.

“No.” I said pouting, he kissed my protruding lip.

“Better?” he asked. I shook my head biting my lip. He leaned in than kissed me again for a longer period of time.

“Now?” he inquired.

“No,” I said again. He kissed me one last time, this time until I was out of breath.

“And, what about now?” he said, kissing a different part of my face with each syllable, and ending on my lips. I smiled.

  “All better,” I whispered, pulling him down for on last kiss before pushing him off me to go make dinner.

“Hey, Jayden, can you go get some tomato sauce from the store, I think you're out and since I'm cooking you're on store-run duty.   

“Okay whatever you say, buttercup,” he said as he walked out the door.

While he was gone I finished the spaghetti and went upstairs to bathe. I walked into the bedroom and as always, staring at me was Joan’s old stuffed elephant, BoBo it had the color and smell of a blue raspberry flavored jolly rancher. I held it to my nose, and inhaled, though it had lost its raspberry scent, it smelled of her…of Joan it was a scent I preferred. I sighed and walked to bathroom turning it to the right temperature and I letting the tub fill.

 I couldn’t take it, first the bear, then her scent it just brought back memories and flash-forwards of her death. Somewhere between walking to get a towel and back I’d grabbed the craft knife I stored under the sink. Why I hid it? I don’t know Jayden would never suspect anything, but he may think I'm insane if he finds out. He just got me away from pain, and now I'm the one causing it, but they were two different things Annabelle was pain, this…this was relief.

I placed the blade about three inches from my wrist, enough to miss any main arteries, and pulled it back towards the crease in my elbow, cutting deep. I stopped when I’d realized what I had done, the cut was too big, and too revealing Jayden was bound to notice. I wrapped my forearm messily. I quickly rinsed the blade and placed under the sink and drained the water in the tub vouching for a shower instead. I hurriedly lotioned my body removed the bandage, and dressed in a long sleeved night gown, before lying down on our bed, and drifting to sleep.

***

I woke startled, I had been dreaming of Joan.

“Hey, its fine, I'm here,” Jayden murmured, turning on the light.

It was hot I fanned myself and pushed my sleeves up prior to realizing my mistake and undoing the action. Jayden looked up at me; I saw the far look in his eyes and knew that he’d seen. He lifted the sleeve of my left arm, I stopped him standing quickly.

“Jayden…I-I, let’s go back to sleep.” I spoke softly. He pulled me back and looked at my arm. I looked away, unable to face him.

“Why,” he said so quiet it was barely audible.

I looked him in the eyes, but I my eyes immediately fell downcast I couldn’t look at him nor could I hear him tell me he didn’t love me because I just might be in love with him.