Fading Scars [incomplete/no current plans of completion]

Chapter 12: Fading Scars

Dedicated to LetMeBe for just being awsome!!

Recap:

I woke startled, I had been dreaming of Joan.

“Hey, its fine, I'm here,” Jayden murmured, turning on the light.

It was hot I fanned myself and pushed my sleeves up prior to realizing my mistake and undoing the action. Jayden looked up at me; I saw the far look in his eyes and knew that he’d seen. He lifted the sleeve of my left arm, I stopped him standing quickly.

“Jayden…I-I, let’s go back to sleep.” I spoke softly. He pulled me back and looked at my arm. I looked away, unable to face him.

“Why,” he said so quiet it was barely audible.

I looked him in the eyes, but I my eyes immediately fell downcast I couldn’t look at him nor could I hear him tell me he didn’t love me because I just might be in love with him.

Chapter 12

“Jayden- I,” I stuttered unsure of what to say, how to explain. I reached over to try and comfort him, but he just flinched and moved away from my touch.

That hurt, but what could I expect,

“Jayden, please hear me out, listen.” I asked my voice cracking, because I could see him slipping away, I could see him never forgiving me for this. He suddenly stood up, I watched as he grabbed his jacket and walked out the door.

Tears poured from my eyes, ‘I knew I was never good enough to be with Jayden, it was too good to be true.’ I thought to myself, I heard Annabelle's cackling voice in my head:

You aren’t pretty, when are you going to accept it, no one could possibly love you. Your face is too hideous, too revolting.

I realized she was right, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a face that was unrecognizable, bruised, puffy and unattractive, I looked away quickly and looked back to find my true face, and though it  wasn’t bruised nor puffy it still held no beauty.

I sat on the edge of the bed, I thought about Joan and Jayden; death and life; love and hate. After an hour I had brought myself to a decision, Joan was dead, Jayden didn’t love me and no one needed me. I was going to kill myself.

I walked to the bathroom and pulled out my knife, gazing at it for a moment before sitting in front of the toilet, I grabbed a rubber band from the lower cabinet and wrapped it twice around my forearm. I waited a minute, letting the veins pop in my hand and wrist, I found the vein I was looking for and grabbed my knife, I imagined Jayden and Joan, both happy. I placed the knife on the outside of my left wrist, two tears slid down my cheeks; one for Jayden and one for Joan. Just as I was about to pull, the door burst open, I looked up solemnly, to find a winded Jayden, he looked directly into my eyes, before he spoke:

“Don’t do this buttercup,” he said before eyeing the placement of my knife.

“Why,” I cried softly, “I’m useless, and ugly and unlovable and-” He cut me off and walked towards me holding my cheeks in his hands.

“Don’t say that, don’t speak untrue words.”

I looked up at him, and shook my head, opening my mouth to speak, I looked down at the knife, contemplating drawing the blade swiftly across my wrist in a quick movement.

Jayden must have read my thoughts because he kissed me, taking the blade from my hands and set in the sink prior to returning and removing the rubber band from my wrist. He carried me to the bed and tucked me in, getting in on the other side. I kept my back to him, but he turned me around and smiled before saying:

“I love you, buttercup.”