Chapter 1

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AN: Just a quick trigger warning, this story contains themes of self harm, suicide and eating disorders. Be aware I am not trying to romanticise these topics simply trying to raise some awareness and maybe even help one or two people. Thanks, enjoy the story :)



"Come on Cas! This is the first day of the last year of highschool, we have every reason to celebrate." Hannah announced twirling a lock of brown hair round her finger.

"Seriously?" I groaned. I didn't see it as a reason to celebrate. It was the first day back indicating a whole year ahead of exams, homework and hard decisions.

"You have to come Cas, it's one party. One party out of the whole year, it can't be too bad, please!" She persisted and I knew she wouldn't give up so I nodded and she smiled widely. "Thank you Castiel!" I rolled my eyes, but she was right it wouldn't kill me to go to one highschool house party.

"Hey Hannah, over here!" We both turned to see three girls walking past, one of them, a thin blond girl was waving her hand out to Hannah.

Upon closer inspection I understood that they were some of Hannah's best friends. Lillith the blond one was pretty, concited and quite dumb, basically the exact definition of a cliche 'dumb blond'. The girl next to her with curled ginger hair was Abaddon. She was tall, pretty and her parents owned half of the shops in town making her super rich and also super rude. Finally on the end was a gorgeous girl with big brown eyes and brown hair. Lisa Braeden was probably the most popular girl in school. She was always the centre of some drama or scandal usually involving her on and off boyfirend Dean Winchester. She was loud, confident and had slept with practically every guy on the football team. She barely glanced at us as she swayed by and I couldn't help feel like I was in some teenage chick flick movie.

"Duty calls!" Hannah giggled and ran off to join them. I couldn't help feel sorry for her as they walked away. She looked out of place between them, she wasn't as tall or curvy. I assumed the only reason they kept her around was because she was pretty and clever and could sweet talk the teachers whenever she needed to get out of something.

I ambled through the day in a dream world worrying about the party, what should I wear, how many people are going, will there be alcohol? It was safe to say I hadn't spent much of my highschool life going to house parties.

Dr Cain the history teacher called on me four times for not paying attention before eventually throwing a text book at me, which I'm sure isn't allowed but no one questioned it. I ate lunch at a table alone as I didn't exactly have any friends to sit with. Hannah was my friend, she had been since we were babies and I guess the only reason she still was was because our parets were close. But at lunch she sat with her other friends the popular girls and hot guys mostly from the football team. That table was insane, a centre of gossip, arguments and confusing relationships. Everyone at every other table seemed to have their attention on the popular kids. Surprisingly I was grateful for that, it helped me be invisible. The one thing I wanted least of all was to have everyone's attention on me. I was invisble and I intended on staying that way.

Eventually the day ended and I walked home as I only lived  few blocks away from the school. Hannah texted me on the way telling me she'd pick me up at 9:30 seeing as I didn't have a car. I got home and took a shower before my parents got back. My father was the pastor for the local church and my mother worked in a nursery just out of town meaning I almost always got back before them. They did however arrive about half and hour after me and I explained to them I was going out to see a movie with Hannah. They were usually super strict and would've never let me go to the party if I'd asked, but they loved Hannah and wouldn't question it.

I had a few hours to kill before Hannah arrived so I put on some music and finished some homework. I then decided to get ready. It took me a fair amount of time to choose what to wear, eventually I setteled for a pair of black jeans, a plain green t-shirt and a trusty burgandy hoodie, making sure to keep on my heaps of wristbands that covered my lower arms. Just in case.

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