Blue (Destiel Highschool AU)

Chapter 15

Deans Pov

I couldn't explain why I kissed Cas both times. The moment just felt right. If I was with some girl I would have done the same thing and we'd probably be dating in no time. But Cas wasn't some girl. He was a guy, and he was fragile. I couldn't keep leading him on like this, I had to get my feelings sorted out first.

But the way he looked at he when I pulled away, the upset in his eyes. It broke my heart. He climbed off of me and retreated to the other side of the bed. I knew I'd messed up.

Cas' Pov

It was a good kiss, maybe even better than the last time. I don't know what it was but this time I was hopeful. I was hopeful that Dean wouldn't kiss me like this if he had no feelings for me at all. He had to like me at least a little. I wasn't going to back out this time because of my stupid doubts. This could lead to something good, I wasn't going to throw it away. I was about to wrap my arms around Dean's neck to deepen the kiss when he pulled away.

The moment his lips left mine I knew I was being rediculous. I'd taught myself to never get my hopes up over anything from a young age. But here i was hoping this one kiss would make Dean magically fall in love with me, and we go off into the sunset together.

But as usual, I was wrong.

Dean winced when he looked at me. I obviously looked hurt, and him being the lovely Dean Winchester that I'd fallen head over heels for, obviously felt bad for hurting me.

"Cas I'm sorry." He whispered as I crawled to the other corner of the bed.

"It's ok."

It's always easiest to just say 'it's ok'. There were so many things I wanted to say to Dean then, but none of them came. So I told him it was ok.

He knew it wasn't though and shook his head. "No it's not, I can't keep doing this to you and I'm honestly so sorry. It's just that my head's been a mess recently. I don't understand what I feel, how I feel. I don't understand why I keep doing this." He held his hands behind his head and his green eyes grew glassy with tears.

He was so vunerable. And I hated seeing him upset so I crawled back across the bed and squeezed his hand. "It's ok!" I said firmer. "We don't have to talk about it now, but when you've thought about it and you're a little more controlled, we'll talk it out." I was surprised at how calm and responsible I was being, considering my heart was beating at an unnatural rate and my head was spinning.

"Ok," Dean nodded alowing a single tear to roll down his cheek. "You're too good to be a friend of mine." He choked pulling me into a hug.

The phrase was meant as a compliament, and in many ways it was. But the only word I could focus on, as Dean wrapped his arms around me, was 'friend'. That's all we were, and it's all we were ever going to be no matter how many times we kissed.

I could feel his heart thumping against my chest and wondered if he could feel mine. I certainly could.

Once we were both more composed we went down to my local park for a walk. We walked around for about an hour talking about anything we could think of other than kisses or relationships. Then headed back to my house so Dean could collect his stuff.

"I'll see you on Monday Dean." I smiled and he hugged me again.

"You're actually so amazing Cas, you have no idea."

I shook my head and rolled my eyes but seacretly savoured the feeling of Dean holding me tight.

I watched him drive off in the imapala with a sad smile. I was seeing him again literally the next day but sayig goodbye to him always made me sad.