Blue (Destiel Highschool AU)

Chapter 6

The rest of the week went slow. The good feelings didn't last and the cruel messages didn't stop. I found notes everywhere, in my locker, my school bag even inside some of my books, each with a different message scrawled onto them. But the point was always the same, I was gay and that was disgusting.

Saturday night I lay in bed thinking. I thought I'd be free from the notes on the weekend but they then started on Facebook as well. At first I tried to ignore them, but... Well it was harder than I thought. One thing I'd always been comfortable with was my sexuality. Despite what my parents had said in church and what others had said, it was always something I was sure about. And when you have a head like mine being sure about something is always a comfort even if that something is being gay.

But now thing were different. My parents were already more uptight about it since we moved, since what happened in Austin, Texas. But now with everyone at school knowing, not only was I paranoid but I was also unsure. Maybe they were right, maybe I was sick. Maybe if I suppressed it it would just go away. Or maybe I'd just end up marrying a girl I didn't have feeling for and having a family and a normal life. Unhappy but normal nevertheless.

I thought about this lots, a future, I never really pictured a future with a guy because with parents like mine that was pretty much impossible. I always imagined growing up, going to law school, becoming a lawyer making my parents proud, meeting a girl that likes me, having lots of kids. It's not the life I'd want but it's the life I knew I was going to have, I didn't have a choice.

Sunday morning meant church, which didn't help. I woke up to my mom shaking me gently. "Come on Castiel time to get up, you know how your father gets when were late for church." She spoke in a hushed voice.

"Mmhm" I mumbled and sat up. My mother left collecting a few empty chip packets and wrappers as she left muttering something about untidy teenagers.

I practically rolled out of bed and went to my wardrobe to find my usual church outfit, a clean white shirt, slacks and a blue tie. I always had to wear it to church even when it was boiling hot outside. Thankfully today the air had the usual September chill in the air and I threw on my oversized trench coat over my outfit.

My father was already in the car when I came downstairs and my mother hurried me out of the door without giving me a chance to fix my tie.

My fathers church was a fairly large building, it was big and empty and even on the warmest of days it was cold. I placed myself in one of the pews at the front next to my mother and watched people from town file in. I didn't really know anyone there, they were mostly older people,  there were a few parents of kids at school including Hannah's but thankfully she hadn't come.

I'd trained my brain to tune out most of my fathers preaching. It was always the same, a few extracts from the bible. Then some pointless ranting from my father and other members of the community.

I was away in my own little world coming up with new ideas for my story when I instinctively tuned back into the real world.

"We must protect ourselves and our families from sin. Sin like homosexuality, a disease that is polluting our children and our fellow American people."

I felt my whole body tense and couldn't help but wince a little. Any other day his words would have just been words, I would have brushed it off as just some meaningless crap. But today was different. After everything that had happened, I started to believe it. You see when something is shoved in your face constantly, you start to believe it.

Suddenly I felt disgusting. I felt like everything was wrong, I was wrong. There was something wrong with me.

And these thoughts didn't go away, making the next few days almost unbearable. I hated practically everything about myself and I couldn't do anything about it. School wasn't much better, I still sat with Charlie and the others at lunch but the novelty seemed to have worn off and I didn't have the energy to be making friends. I felt tired pretty much all the time.