Tale as Old as Time

Chapter 5

Chris flew off to LA kissing both my lips and my stomach before leaving and making me promise I wouldn't find out the baby's sex without him. Tom and I just mostly vegged about. We'd go for a run in the morning, then just kind of hang about the house watching movies or just talking.

The morning of my ultrasound Lisa came and picked me up. The plan was, go look at the jelly bean, have some lunch, come home and nap. Maybe go out to dinner with Tom because the next day we'd both be heading off to other parts of the country.

We drove to the hospital, Lisa was so excited by the time we got there. Maybe even more excited that I was. I guess the grandmother doesn't usually get to come to these kind of things.

After waiting a painfully long time in the waiting room for the ultrasound. The tech was young and bubbly and greeted us both enthusiastically. The usual cold gel was squeezed onto my belly and after moving the wand around a bit we could see the baby. It looked way more like a baby than last time. I felt really sad that Chris was missing this. You could see little arms and legs.

"Is that them?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, look you can see it's giant head." I said. "And oh my god little hands."

The tech's face grew serious as she moved the machine around. She put on some headphones and then then did some button pressing before taking them off and putting the wand down.

"I just want to get the doctor. I'll be right back."

I looked over to Lisa. "That's never happened before." I said. I started feeling really anxious. Like something wasn't right.

Lisa took my hand and squeezed it. "I'm sure it's fine."

We sat waiting for what felt like far too long, but was actually probably only ten minutes. I started getting really worked up. Lisa just kept holding my hand and telling me there was nothing to worry about.

Doctor McKenna came into the room followed by the tech. She greeted me warmly and picked up the wand. She moved the wand around and found Jelly Bean. She turned on the sound and frowned.

"Emily, I'm really sorry, but there's no heartbeat." Doctor McKenna said.

I shook my head. "No, but there has to be. This is twenty weeks. We were fine. This was just a check up."

She moved the wand and pointed to the spot on Jelly Bean's chest where the little twitch twitch of the heartbeat normally showed. "Do you see? You'd normally see the heart beating here."

I started to cry. "No. No, no, no, no." I said. "It's the machine. All the tests were fine."

"I'm really sorry, Emily." She said.

"No!" I cried. Lisa jumped to her feet and hugged me. Doctor McKenna handed me some tissues and waited for me to get under control, but I don't think I really did get myself under control. I just kind of went numb.

She told me because I was so far along I was going to need to have a D&C. I nodded my head. She asked if I wanted to book one for tomorrow. All I could say was 'Not without Chris'. I wasn't sure if I meant I couldn't book one or have one without him.

Lisa went and sorted out the paperwork while I stood in the waiting room surrounded by all these happily pregnant couples. I hated all of them.

On the way home I just stared out of the window. Lisa drove and kept trying to call Chris. It would always go straight to voicemail. She left a couple of messages. She'd wait a few minutes and then try again. I wanted her to stop, but I just had no energy to ask her to do anything.