Tale as Old as Time

Chapter 16

Things just started moving along again. Chris left town to film '1.30 Train'. He was back by Christmas and we all celebrated with the Evans' as usual.

We decided to go to New York for New Years and watch the ball drop in person. That was a little overwhelming. I do not like crowds and that was the biggest one I've ever experienced. People were always pushed up against us, and I had to cling to Chris hand a lot for fear of losing him in the crowd. Still it was good to tick off and say I'd done it, and I was glad it was me and Chris. I would however always opt for a trademark CEvans party over doing that again in the future.

Chris was filming the next Avengers movie on and off for most of the first half of the year. Because it was an ensemble cast movie he wasn't always required to be there while they were filming, but it did mean he would be flying in and out of Boston a lot. He also had to stay in Captain America physique for six months, which would be really taxing for him.

We weren't sure what to do about the trying to have kids issue though. We held off for the first couple of months of the year. Chris was worried about being out of town and getting that phone call again. I was worried about that myself if I was honest. I couldn't go through that without him again. I wasn't sure if I could go through it at all again.

He was back home at the start of March and I think it was all starting to get to him. Elsa Hemsworth was due to give birth to their third child any day now. Both Robert and Scarlett had announced pregnancies. He was starting to feel left behind.

My friends were moving forward on the having babies front too. Amelia and Shan announced they were expecting again. This time they didn't tell anyone until they were about six months along. They were really excited and I was excited for them. I also thought to myself, if they can do it, so can I.

So I started putting things into play for us to try again. I started eating better. I stopped smoking pot. I was already fine with the kind of exercise routine I was in so I didn't really change that. I just tried meditation a little more to calm both my body and my mind.

In April the Winter Soldier premiered. I went to the premier in LA with Chris but otherwise he was out of town a lot with press for that. While he was gone I had my birth control removed. I thought if I didn't tell him he didn't have to worry. I could make it a surprise. He'd be happy and excited like at our wedding.

I was calm and ready. We were going to try for another baby. Unfortunately my body disagreed. It took months for anything to happen. I think partly because Chris was just in and out of town so much. We weren't getting the regular opportunity to put our well honed skills to good use. It wasn't just that though. It just wasn't working. I started to worry that there was something actually wrong with me. That I couldn't have children. I didn't want to tell Chris, partly because I still wanted it to be a surprise when I did get pregnant. But also because I didn't want to add to his stress. So I just sat on it and let the stress fester inside me. I didn't tell anyone at all. Not Chris, not Gaby, not anyone.

There were things that happened that made it difficult to keep secret. Chris' birthday was in June. He had it on set again. I went down and visited him, but he didn't understand why I didn't really drink at all but then I was also didn't want to get particularly rough. I just told him I wasn't in the mood which made him worried about us. Like he thought I wasn't happy with the relationship any more.

In July I met up at our usual trip to Comic Con. Gaby and James came too. Chris as usual was working and only there for one night. So I didn't really get to spend a lot of time with him. But I think this might have been where it finally happened. I had cosplayed as Ms Marvel. I guess a mixture of him liking the lack of actual clothes and just general missing me, we stayed up most of the night fucking like bunnies.