I sat in the shower with my knees tucked up to my chest, letting the water fall on me. Every time I closed my eyes I see the same distorted sneering face looking at me. The high pitch wailing sound still rings in my ears. This is the third time since I came here a week ago that I have had these nightmares. I rub my hands over my face as if trying to wipe the thoughts away.
The steam is filling up the room and my skin is turning a light shade of pink from the heat. I lean back against the shower wall and take it in. I have been relishing in these showers since I came here, I never got warm showers before, always an icy dunk into a bath filled with dirty freezing water. I never used shampoo or conditioner, or the magnitude of smelly soaps or lotions in here. Penny stocked me up the first day, helping me wash myself the first couple of times.
I look down at my bare legs and run my fingers over the array of cuts along my thighs and up my tummy. I trace my finger over the biggest one, I still feel the pain, I still see the knife slice through my flesh and the blood oozing out in thick globs. I shudder from the thought and blink as tears fall from my eyes joining with the water.
I feel like I'm sleep walking and I want to wake up, and feel alive again. Every time I try to wake up and be 'normal' or move on I get reminded that I can't. Every time I flinch, every time the nightmares come and every time my heartbeat races when I see men come in the hospital I am reminded, that I'm not normal, that I'll never be normal. No matter how much I try to move on the scars will always be there, and so will the cuts on my legs.
"Blaire" I hear Penny call out. I jolt off the wall like I got shocked and reach up to shut off the water. "Are you okay in there?" Ask Penny from outside the door. I push open the shower door on my knees and mumbled "Mmhmm".
"Okay well, I will just be out here. I have your breakfast by the way, it's a fruit bowl" Penny responds cheerfully. I crawl out of the shower, my legs feeling a little like jelly. I reach for my towel and wrap it around my body and lean against the bathroom wall regaining oxygen after being inside the sauna like shower.
I open the door to see Penny sitting next to my bed folding some clothes neatly into a laundry basket. She looks up at me and gives me a smile, "Good morning, how are you feeling?" I give her a smile and a nod, not trusting my voice right now, the redness of my body hides the redness under my checks from the tears. I am thankful for this, I know Penny is trying and I know it kills her to see me hurting. I haven't yet told her about the nightmares, they usually happen earlier in the morning. All she has had to deal with are my panic attacks, and those alone make her upset. She hides it well, busies herself with getting me water and food and coaching me through breathing. When it is done, I give her a smile as if isn't a big deal, hoping she believes me. She doesn't, I know, she gives me a weary look but never mentions anything.
"So, when you are done getting dressed and having breakfast we can start thinking about getting you moved to your new room" she pauses "If you want to" She rushes out "If you want to stay here that is totally fine, I understand if that's what you want to do." She looks at me anxiously.
I smile back, "I would like to move" I say steadily.
"Excellent, well I brought you some more clothes, just a couple sweat pants, some t shirts, and more undies."
I peer into the basket and mumble out thanks, still feels uneasy receiving clothes and stuff from Penny.
After this I dry off and get changed while Penny turns away from me giving me some privacy, she starts talking about the room.
"So, as you know it will be right down the hall and so I can come and get you in the morning and we can walk down the kitchen together, Dr said that we need to start building up muscle mass and a trip down and up the stairs is a start, don't worry though we can go as slow as you want and I will always be there to help you. Any way as you saw your room comes with a shower and toilet and there is already toilet paper and shower stuff in there so no need to worry about that. If you run out of anything just let me or Chase or Ben know, if you are comfortable with that, or you can just let me know. What else well there is a fireplace, but we also have electric heater that I can bring you, it's simple to use, I'll show you when we get there. But if you want the fire on than I'm sure I can figure it out, actually I'll just get Chase to do it, I am rubbish at starting fires, Chase says I am a pyromaniac and shouldn't be trusted with a match box which I think is just..." She stops than turns around slowly to see me sitting on the bed fully clothed.
"Oh, goodness sorry, here you can have your breakfast" she says pointing to the bowl of fruit. I gratefully pick it up and slowly munch down on all the different fruit.
"I'm kind of a rambler" She says. "Kind of?" I ask quietly. She gapes at me astonished, "Did you just make a joke?" She asked her mouth turning into a big wide grin. I look up at her and I feel my lips twitch up as well. Soon we are both giggling and it is right here when I feel a sensation of what it really feels like to be alive, but just like clockwork Penny's laughing face morphs into Marcus's, he is also laughing but this laugh makes me want to throw up, I start to tremble and the sound of a loud crash makes me jump. Marcus's face gets closer as he chants my name. I close eyes and try to block out the spinning room, my breathing increases as my lungs tighten.
"Blaire" I hear my name get called again and when I open my eyes expecting Marcus I see Penny's instead.
***
After I calm down and the fruit on the floor is cleaned up we decide to head up to my room and get me settled in. I couldn't be happier, I just wanna take my mind off of what just happened and this is the perfect way to do so. Penny leads me to the stairs and with time and patience I make it to the top with my breath still relatively even. Once in my room Penny begins putting away my clothes and she shows me which draws everything is going to be in, I help with the shirts and undies.
After we are all done she shows me the little balcony I have and points out all the mountains and rivers. I cling to hoodie and look out over the grounds surrounded by big bushy pine trees.
All of a sudden two big wolfs jump out which gets me startled. "oh, you okay" Penny asked, she follows my line of sight, "That is just Chase and Ben" She says giving them a little wave. The big black wolfs head does a little and the big deep brown one looks my way. It is than when I relax, looking down into those big brown eyes.
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I got to #88 in the werewolf section WOOHOO.
Anyways thanks for all the nice comments and the questions, keep that up. I feel like sometimes I understand the book completely in my head but it doesn't fully get on the page, so if anything doesn't make sense don't be afraid to ask 😊 😊 😊
Until next time...
YOU ARE READING
The Beta's Broken Mate
WerewolfI look back to Ben. His arms were big and his tummy toned, there were a few scars here are there. He was a fighter. He was someone who could look after themselves, and look at me, clinging onto him for dear life. Me, I'm a coward. Always been a cowa...
