Did You Miss Me?

A Drought

LILLY's POV

I stare at my mother.

Even in death she looks worn out.

My grandmother cries next to me and I hold her. I comfort her.

Regardless of how close the child and parent are, outliving your child is one of the most heartbreaking things a person can go through.

I couldn't tell her.

That day when Ryan told me, I sat on my porch steps. Shock and numb were the only emotions I could recognize within myself.

When she got home and I was still sitting on the step with Adam and Carter. I saw her walk up and it hit me. This is real. My mom is dead. And I have to tell her mother.

She recognized something was wrong. "Is everything okay?" She asked her voice very concerned as she stepped closer towards the porch.

I opened my mouth but no words came out. What words do I say? So many words in the English language that I can put together to make this sentence, but how?

After a while Adam clears his throat.

"I'm sorry Grams. You're daughter overdosed." Adam says very quietly.

Her brows furrow in confusion. "I'm sorry. What? Where did you hear this? That's not true." She shakes he head. "It's not true."

She lifts her hand to her mouth, shaking her head. "Where did you hear this?"

"Grams, its true." I say.

"How? How do you know?" Her voice is slowly become more distressed

"Someone I knew back in Maine told me. He was close to her."

"Well we can't be sure it's the truth" her head shaking didn't stopped. "What did she allegedly overdose on? You have to give me that boys number and I'll get to the bottom-"

"Grams" She starts to visibly shake and her eyes water.

"We don't know for sure. It might not even be her. I mean I'm sure if you tried calling her she'd answer. Call your mother Lilly."

I looked from her face down to my shoes. "She's not going to answer. She's gone Grams."

I looked up at her. "No no no you don't know that." Tears flow down her face. "Just try. Give her a call. We don't know...we don't..." She covers her mouth and looks at the ground crying.

I feel a tear escape my face. My heart starts to ache for my grandmother. Before I even thought to act Adam is next to my grams holding her. She fell into him crying.

Carter wipes away my single tear and he rubs my back.

Ryan texted me the funeral information and Grams had to buy plane tickets. I didn't want to go but I knew Grams needed to. And she couldn't do it alone.

Carter and Adam offered to come, paying for their ticket but I didn't want them to.

Grams has been crying a lot but she hasn't really said anything. We considered staying in a motel but to save money we are staying in the house I lived in with my mother. My room wasn't the way I left it. It was chaotic and trashed. I know it's probably because my mother or Ryan were looking for money.

Grams was shaken at how terrible the house looked. It truly looked like a house of a druggie.

So here I am at the funeral. Staring at my dead mom.

Grams cried a lot before but when she saw my moms body she lost it. She started sobbing hysterically over the coffin.

I haven't shed a tear since I was on Gram's porch.