Real stories from the World - LGBTQ+

Alaska from Sweden

Hi guys! I'm a 16 year old pansexual girl from Sweden (same country as Avy!). I thought I would start by telling you a bit about my family.

I live with my Swedish dad, Bosnian mum, and little brother. He's 12 and can be a real pain in the ass, but when he wants to, he's the sweetest kid in the world. I love my family, and I know I'm really lucky to have them. I know they love me, too.

Now I thought I should tell you a bit about how I see the Swedish situation on Lgbtq+.

Same-sex marriage was legalised on 1 of may, 2009, which me and my friends feel was late, even though it was years before the U.S., for example. In my school we have Pride/Rainbow-flags on multiple places. We can openly talk about it, were encouraged to do it, but me and my friends still feel like we aren't doing it often enough. Last Autumn, one of the house on my way to school had a Pride/Rainbow-flag raised on their flagpole for months, and every time I saw it I would feel so happy no matter if I had had a bad morning or was stressed from school. Such a small thing can make someone so happy. Make them feel less alone and more supported. We have Pride Parades (I'm thinking of attending the one in Gothenburg this summer, but in secret, because I'm not really out of the closet).

I've always cared about Lgbtq+ rights and I've openly talked about it at home. I love reading (perhaps not so shocking since I'm on Wattpad) and watching movies/TV-shows, and if there's an Lgbtq+ character in the book/movie/show there's a bigger chance I'll take a look at it then if there isn't.

When I was fourteen I started thinking about my own sexuality. I realised quite fast that I could fall in love with anyone, regardless of their gender. That I cared for what was in their head, and not between their legs. (However, when I picture my future, I often find myself picturing it with a wife. But I've had a boyfriend when I was younger (not that serious) and I still feel like I could fall in love with anyone. So I guess "pansexual with a strong attraction towards women" might be more right?).

I told my brother when we were alone, and his reaction was amazing. Because he didn't really care, he just kind of went on playing FIFA. It wasn't a big deal. And it makes me really happy that younger generations might feel that way, like your sexuality isn't that big a deal! Just picture the world when they are adults! (He does keep confusing the word "pansexual" with "prostitute", though. Not the meaning, just the name!).

Last autumn I was talking with two of my friends, and one of them said that she thought she liked guys, but how could you be sure? What if she one day fell in love with a girl? (Her parents (or at least her dad (he works at our school)) are the opposite of homophobic). Then I said I thought I might be pansexual, and she said how wonderful and relieving that must be, to know. She knows I want to become an author and I'm really good at drawing, so she has, on multiple occasions, said that she wants me to write kids books with Lgbtq+ themes so that her kids can learn that love is love from a young age.

I decided that I wouldn't really "come out" because both me and my dad thinks that it's "weird". My dad loves to joke, and he jokes, saying "I'm going to come out as straight". I'm not really sure how to take that, but what he means is that he doesn't understand why Lgbtq+ people have to come out when straight people don't. So instead of coming out, I decided that if anyone asked me about my sexuality, I would tell them. No big deal. Then came the day my mum asked me.

My mum is my best friend (and no, that isn't sad or pathetic!). I love her and she loves me. We watch movies together (about at least one "X-Files" episode every day!) and she puts up with my crazy ramblings about book characters.

We were in my parents' bedroom, and she was lying down in bed, I was probably rambling on about "The Mortal Instruments" or something. I might have been talking a lot about an Lgbtq+ relationship, because suddenly she asked me if I was gay. And I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say "I'm actually pansexual, mum" but I was afraid. The thing is, that while my mum's favourite Swedish singer is gay, her favourite character in one of of the TV-series we watch is gay and she really liked the movie "The Danish Girl", she wouldn't be as accepting of her own daughter. How I know? She told me. (However, funny enough, when I was younger and hadn't really started thinking about my sexuality, she said she'd rather I was gay than my brother).

Anyway, what I told her was that if a girl asked me out on a date, I wouldn't say no just because she was a girl. Then I started saying something about pansexuality, but she stopped me in the middle of that sentence to say that she didn't want to know or I couldn't be sure yet. But I was. I am. My mum is Bosnian, and once she told me there weren't any gay people in Bosnia, but months later she changed it and said that there weren't any "out" people in Bosnia. I said that perhaps they were afraid to come out and she kind of agreed.

We haven't talked about my sexuality since then, and I still talk a lot about Lgbtq+, but I'm always afraid that she will bring that up. Especially since my dad doesn't know.

That brings me to my dad. I love him, but I think I'm slightly closer to mum. Because I'm more with my mum, and dad's more with my brother, but I can have amazing conversations with my dad. However, my dad loves to joke, and to make me mad, but there's one thing that he has said repeatedly which really hurts me and scares me. He says "You know, mum thinks that homosexuality is wrong. That it's an illness. She did when we were younger, at least" or something like that. Once I asked if grandma was homophobic, and he said that yes, she probably was. When he was at his aunt's (her sister) funeral there was a gay man there and she told him that perhaps he could talk to him, because apparently my dad knows how to talk to "those people". And every time we visit her and she starts talking about "my future husband" I just want to scream "OR WIFE!". (My dad was born in "Skåne" in Sweden, which, in mine and my parents opinion, is slightly like the Country/South in the U.S. with racism and homophobia).

But the thing is; my parents aren't homophobic. Yesterday my dad even told me that the nicest person who worked with him (about 15 years ago) was gay. When my Bosnian aunt lived in Gothenburg, she would go running/training with a gay man. My mother watches movies with gay characters with me. But still, there's apparently a difference when it's your own child. And I haven't got a clue how my dad would react. I know I'm lucky, luckier than most, but not knowing how they would react, is awful. In Sweden we have a thing called "Ungdomsmottagningen" and that's kind of like a "hospital" for young people, where they can get information about STDs, get free condoms, and talk to someone if they feel sad - and they can never tell your parents you were there, unless you want them to or they are fearing for your life. It's an amazing thing. And I went there and talked sometimes last year, but this year, my school schedule doesn't work with going there, because I can't miss class and since I usually don't hang out with people after school my parents will wonder where I am.

I hope that one day I will be as out and proud to all of my family as I am on the inside, on the Internet and to some other people. As a lot of you guys are. And I know I'm not alone. This whole book that Avylinn has made proves that. We aren't alone, we are together, we are strong and we support each other. I just love the love that exists in this community! 

I send you all my love,

/ A. @AlaskaRose01