Sell Your Soul (a Supernatural Fanfiction)

the last breath part 2

Consider this my diary. My suicideish note. Consider this my last goodbye. Do not cry for me. Do not mourn for me. I will be okay. You will be okay. Cody, if you ever read this, know that I did it for you. I don't regret it. Take these words and let it make up for the year. You will be okay. Sam, I know you're quiet. But don't think for a second that I won't be with you through every late night. You'll always have me even if I'm not here. Dean. I'm sorry. I'm So sorry.

This was it. This was my last kick in the sand that is my life. No more would I be. I stepped away from the small desk in deans room, the pen ink smudged across my fingers. I padded into my room and grabbed my perfume that I wore almost daily. As I entered dean's room again, I lightly spritzed his pillow. He would need it in the days to come. I set it next to the note.

Then, I grabbed the brush that I combed through Sam's hair every day. The next stop was his room. I made his bed, He must have forgotten. I sat down on the newly smoothed sheets and kissed the brush goodbye. I kissed a piece of Sam goodbye. I sat it down and stood. I left Cody another voice message.

Everything was in order for me to die. My own mind was screaming the same ugly words at me.  I was so consumed Into my own thoughts that I barely noticed when Dean wrapped his arms around my middle, kissing my neck. I turned to him and kissed everywhere on his face, Hoping it would be enough. Any amount of time with him wouldn't be enough, and I knew that.

"Will you go on a crazy djinn hunt in the next few months? All those fuckers can die," I laughed. I felt a jolt go through his body. Apparently it wasn't that funny. "I love you."

"Jordan? I love you too. As cheesy as it is, I've never loved someone the way I love you. And I don't think I ever will." He was fighting a sob.

"Dean, my death doesn't have to mean your chick flick moment rule has to be broken," I told him in the most genuine voice I could muster. I felt a sob wrack his body, and something in me broke. It was my heart.

He looked at me, and a tear streamed down his cheek followed by at least a dozen more. My cheeks were soaked with tears, still untainted by the mascara I was yet to put on. I wouldn't ever wear makeup again. It seemed so pointless when I was doomed to hell in hours. I wanted to kiss Dean, but it seemed so pointless. A feeble attempt at holding onto a life that wasn't mine anymore, really. 

I heard a snarl in the distance. I sobbed harder.

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More tears. From everyone. The howls were closer.

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There were very angry dogs close to the bunker, now. "They're here." I announced. Sam, ignoring my requests, grabbed a gun and threw a shotgun to Dean. I struggled to find my balance as I stood. He was sobbing, and Sam looked gone. Completely blank. When I finally found my balance, I stepped closer to the door. I let a Shakey breath escape my lungs, unaware that I was holding it in. Im not sure if my words were out loud or not.

"Cody. This is all for you. Im sure you don't see it that way. An eye for an eye right? I love my boys. I love you and, to you, Im sorry." I opened the door, and suddenly the growls were close enough for me to feel. I was so numb that I didn't feel the first gash that developed on my thigh. In the distance I heard gunshots, one right after another. bullets fell near me, some almost grazing my head. I fell to the ground when something jumped on me. I took one last look at the boys. Sam's hair wasn't neat anymore. It was wet, from sweat, I think. I can't be sure. Dean was in only a tee, his large arms screaming. He was clutching the empty shot gun to his chest with an urgency I no longer understood. I let my head fall back. I didn't feel anything. It hurt so bad everywhere that it felt normal. I was in my own sea. This sea smelled of blood. A lot of blood. This sea smelled like tears and gun powder. I closed my eyes and then, I was unable to open them again. I was so, so sleepy. Right before I gave into the sudden need to sleep, I felt a hand close tightly around mine.

And then I felt nothing.