When October Goes

Chapter 3

As soon as Logan saw me, he smiled in my direction.  It was warm and inviting, just as I'd remembered.  He stood as I approached the table.  I walked to him, suddenly very aware of myself.  Nerves balled up in my stomach creating a knot that was becoming as heavy as a boulder.  What the hell was I thinking?  That I could waltz in here and lay Richard's existence on him like it was no big deal, I thought.

"Ace, you look...." He started as he looked me up and down.  It wasn't like I was a piece of meat, but what you do when you see someone you haven't seen in quite some time.  You take them all in.  His voice trailed off without finishing his thought.  Great, so now he's suddenly at a loss for words? I thought.  He seemed nervous, which wasn't something I expected from him.  Then again, I wasn't sure what to expect from him.

We embraced and he kissed me on the cheek.  We stood for a moment and looked into each other's eyes.  I gave him a smile.  It felt good to see him, to be held in his arms, and feel him against me.  I wanted to kiss him - NO!  Rabbit hole! I reminded myself.  This was just part of the reason we couldn't be just friends.  There was this magnetic bond between us.

I felt a sense of dread coming over me.  I knew I had a bombshell to drop, but I didn't know if I could do it.  I had to just rip off the bandage.  I couldn't drag it out, however, I had to wait for the right time.  I had hoped to present it with a bit of finesse, not just blurt it out to him.  I didn't really have time to prepare, so I'd have to go off the cuff.

We sat down at a table out of the way and he pushed a coffee toward me.  I accepted his delicious offering.  Coffee was always a sure bet with me.  We sat in an awkward silence for a moment.  I took a sip of coffee. Wow, this was amazing coffee, I thought.

"So....." I said.

"So....." he replied.

"How are things going?" I asked in an effort to break the ice.

"Good, good.  We're finally settled here in Hartford, and I'm in a good rhythm at HPG," he replied.

"I can't believe Mitchum finally retired," I said.

"He finally caved when I saved his ass a few months ago," he responded.

"You saved him?" I asked in disbelief.  I found it hard to believe that Mitchum could fail at much of anything.  There could be more to it than what he's telling me.

"I never thought I'd see the day myself, but when the opportunity presented itself, I stepped in," Logan said.  "I'd never seen him quite like that, and I'd rather not say more about it.  It's not public knowledge."

"Say no more," I replied in an assuring tone.  "So, you said 'we' before.  Were you referring to yourself and Odette?"

"I find it hard to believe that you didn't do any research before we met up today, Rory," he said calling me out.  "I do appreciate that you want to hear it from me instead of believing everything online.  I did get married to Odette and we had one child, a daughter.  Her name is Vivienne.  Odette died in a car accident about six months ago, but we were in the process of a divorce."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, Logan," I said as I gently touched his hand.  He looked down and as soon as I realized I'd instinctively touched his hand, I removed it quickly.  I blushed, turning a bright shade of red.  Any awkwardness that had begun to dissipate had come back to muddy the waters of comfort.

"What about you, Ace?"

"Really?  You're going to ask me when you know full well that I never married," I replied regaining some composure.

"Why?  No one worthy?" he asked with a sly smile.

"Things were.......complicated," I answered hoping this would lead to further discussion on the subject.  He knew I had a son, but he didn't know much more than that.

"Complicated?" he questioned curiously.

"There were certain......circumstances.....that......well.....I wished they were different, but it was so much bigger than me," I replied, stepping around the question like a politician.  I could see he was trying to put things together, to make sense out of my side-stepping, and I couldn't wait any longer. 

"There's something I need to tell you, Logan," I blurted out.  I felt part of the weight lift off my shoulders, but it wasn't over yet.

"Yeah?" he asked still looking confused.

"This isn't easy, and I don't know how to tell you this, but....." Rip it off, Rory!  "You've got another child."

Logan's sat in stunned silence, attempting to process my revelation to him.  Then he looked at me and began laughing.

"Oh, you had me!  That's a good one, Rory!  You're still trying to pay me back for that stunt we pulled in Professor Bell's class, aren't you?"

He thought I was joking.  I continued to stare at him with a serious look on my face.  I gently shook my head from side to side.  He stopped laughing and stared at me blankly.

"This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't ruin your life, the dynastic plan," I replied quietly.  "I wanted to tell you before, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, and then you got married....."

"No, Rory, this can't be.  No....." he shook his head in disbelief.  "I've only got one child, Vivienne, and she's sixteen."

"You have a son....."

"No.....are you sure?"

"I'm positive, Logan.  He looks just like you and I wasn't with anyone else," I replied confidently.

"Rory....No -"

"His name is Richard, and he just turned eighteen....today," I said quietly interrupting him.  We sat in silence, and I could see the wheels turning. 

"How could you keep this from me?  And for over eighteen years!" Logan said to me through clenched teeth.  He didn't raise his voice, but he was pissed at me.  After all of these years, I could still read him like a book.  He had every right to be angry, and I expected it.  I guess I was just hoping for a happier reaction, but this was real life, not some sitcom.  There were no pretty little bows to tie things up, no happy endings.

"Please, let me explain, but not here, not in public," I begged him quietly.

"I don't know if I can do that, Rory.  I don't know what to think right now.  I just need......I need time."

"Can I just say one more thing before you leave?"  Logan nodded his head in assent, but still looked angry.  "Richard would like to meet you, to know you.  Don't punish him for my choices," I gave Logan's hand a squeeze.  "I'm truly sorry, Logan.  Please believe me."

I left without another word.  A single tear streamed down my face.  I had let Richard down.  He wanted to know his father.  I realized I'd done him a great disservice by not being honest from the beginning, and by not telling Logan.  I guess I had hoped he would be surrounded by so much love, he wouldn't need to know, but curiosity runs deep in the Gilmore blood.  I should have known better than to think the idea would be forgotten in time.

Before I took off for home, I sent Logan one last text.

Rory:  If you don't want to do this for me, please do it for him.  He has a right to know his father, just like you had a right to know your son.  I'm sorry I robbed you of that.