When October Goes

Chapter 4

I returned home about fifteen minutes before Richard got back from tennis practice.  I gathered my wits after the disastrous meeting with Logan.  It had been going ok until I blurted out my secret.  I should have eased him into things more instead of being so blunt.  I was still pretty shaken up by Logan's reaction.  I had anticipated his anger, yet, I wasn't fully ready to bear the brunt of it.  I was a fool to hope my revelation would be accepted and forgiven.

"Mom?" I heard my son's voice call from the doorway.  I wiped away the tear that still clung to my cheek.  I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before I answered.

"Yes, dear?" I called back.

"I'm home from tennis.  Want me to make you something for lunch?" he asked.

Every single day, I silently thanked Luke for teaching him how to cook.  I could make a few dishes but I just didn't care for it much.  If I couldn't rip and dump, a la Lorelai, I was in search of my phone to call for take-out.  I finally understood the power my mom had over restaurant owners.

"Thanks, but I'm really not all that hungry right now," I replied.  I knew this would trigger more questions from my intuitive son, but it's not as if I'm that hard to read sometimes.

He came into the living room, where I was sitting.  "Mom, are you ok?  The only time you turn down food is when something's wrong."

I couldn't speak.  I couldn't let my son down and tell him his dad is so angry with me that he doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with him.  I felt my pulse quicken.  Had I made the wrong choice?  It was a Catch-22.  If I told him, I would have ruined Mitchum's dynastic plan.  If I didn't, he'd be angry if he ever found out, I thought. 

Richard sat next to me on the couch.  "I'm sorry, Mom.  I shouldn't have asked about my dad."

"This is not your fault!  It's your right to know, and I've wanted to tell you the truth.  It's just that the truth hurts a lot more than I ever thought it would," I replied.  "It's not an easy thing to tell someone something like this.  I've kept this from him for over eighteen years, and he's got every right to be pissed at me.  I can't fault him for it, but I didn't anticipate how much it would hurt.  It's the hurt of disappointing you, Richard." 

I thought I was doing the right thing by raising him myself.  I didn't want him to bounce from my house to Logan's and back again.  I couldn't bear fighting with him over Richard, or being with him because of our son.  I didn't want Logan to flit in and out of his life like my dad had done with me.  I certainly didn't want his pity money either.

"Mom, you haven't disappointed me, I promise," he said to me.  "This is my thing, and I think that I should handle it.  Maybe, he'll be more receptive to me."

"I don't think that's such a good idea.  If you think Nana is stubborn, you haven't seen half the stubbornness he's got," I replied with a small smile.  He had no idea who he was dealing with, and I didn't want him to feel the Huntzberger wrath or apathy for that matter.  I didn't want him to get hurt by his own father.  I knew how much Straub and Francine hurt me the one time I saw them.  I couldn't imagine the pain if it were at the hands of a parent.

"I want to try.  I'm not going in with any expectations," he averred.  "Besides, I've already accepted an invitation from Vivienne to go hang out and play some tennis with her tomorrow."

"You what?  You've got to be kidding me!" I said.  "It's like my life is a Lifetime movie."  I muttered the latter under my breath.

"They've got courts at their house and she wanted some help on her backhand," he replied.  "She doesn't have a lot of friends here yet, and she's a great friend.  I swear there is nothing going on!"

"No, Richard.  I don't like this idea," I retorted.

"Mom, I'm eighteen, and in a couple of months, I'll be on my own at Yale.  Maybe if he gets to know me, he'll like me for who I am and not what I represent."

I was stunned.  Rarely was I at a loss for words, but the wisdom he's showing me has rendered me speechless.  The pride was fleeting as the bad feeling returned.

"I just want to reiterate that I don't think this is a very good idea, Richard.  I can only imagine how protective he is of his only daughter, and I'm sure he'll think you want to date her," I confessed.

"You know that's now how we are, Mom.  We're just friends.  I told you that we're more like brother and sister, and that was before I even knew," he replied.

I knew he was relentless like me, and a lot like his father.  I couldn't blame him.  Mom had always been honest with me, but I know if she hadn't, I would have been the same way. 

"You're an adult, and I need to trust you to do the right thing," I conceded. 

"Thanks, Mom," he said with a smile.  "I've got to get ready for work.  You know how I hate to be late!"  He bounded up the stairs to his room.  I heard the shower running. 

Last summer, to earn some extra money, he decided to start teaching tennis lessons at the club.  He was the most popular instructor.  I'm sure it had nothing to do with the charm he'd inherited from his dad, but it was good money for him.  Aside from school, his life was all about tennis. 

Before I knew it, he came bounding down the stairs.  Richard gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.  He grabbed his keys and tennis bag from the bench in the mudroom, where he'd left them before. 

"See ya later, Mom!" he called to me on his way out the door.

"Bye, Richard," I replied.  "Have fun at work!"

A few minutes after he left I received a text from Logan.

Logan: I'm sorry for blowing up earlier, but I never thought you'd keep something like this from me.  I'm still frustrated and confused by this revelation.  I've missed 18 years of my son's life.  I'll never get that back!  I'm not saying no to him, or you, but I need time to process all of this.