step into the sun ☼ deh

i

chapter 1
distance means so little when someone means a lot
mia pov

trigger warnings: evan's suicide attempt, mentions of suicide, eating disorders, and social anxiety

I feel like every kid who's grown up without a parent has spent time wondering where they went. I feel like those kids go through a time when their remaining parent doesn't give too many details about the other, so the kid has to wonder on their own.

I still remember the day I asked my dad where my mom went. I was about 9 or 10, and I had been wondering since. I was a quiet child, and I never had the courage to ask my dad until that day. I was sitting in the living room, quietly flipping through an American Girl catalog as my dad was paying bills. I didn't have an American Girl Doll at the time, but I still looked through the catalogs. Not because I dreamed of having one, but because I always made up stories in my mind when I looked at the dolls. They put the dolls into different little scenes for the pictures in the catalogs, and I always tried to imagine what they were doing and what they were thinking.

"Um... Dad?" I asked.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

My father looked down at his pen, not knowing what to say. He started itching the side of his stomach-something that I stated to notice that he did whenever he was feeling nervous. He opened his mouth to talk, but stopped a couple times, until he finally mustered out three words...

"She just left..."

☼☼☼

I've been told that I'm a pleaser. I've been told that I worry too much about making others happy rather than myself. I don't argue against the people who say these things. I know it's true. There's always someone who I want to make proud... someone who I need to reassure that I'm doing well.

Because of this, I've been told that I need to get out more, or put myself out there. Hang out with my friends more often, even. I don't want to, though. I don't want to be the stereotypical teenager who just goes out all the time. I want to make people proud. I want to be successful.

     I run my brush through my hair one last time, to make sure I'll be okay.

     This'll be the year... I told myself, Make Dad proud.

     I guess you could say I'm "over" the whole "wondering where my mother went" ordeal. I mean, Dad and I have managed just fine on our own. I didn't exactly need a mom. I figured out the "girl stuff" on my own, mostly through Google, trial and error, and asking my friends for advice. It's actually not as hard as many would think... at least, it wasn't for me. Although I consider myself over the questioning and wondering about my mother, questions still pop into my head every once in awhile. I don't know where she is, I don't know why she left, I don't know if Dad talks to her, I don't even know if she's alive or not.

     As I look at myself in the mirror, my mother is the last person I'm thinking about. I have to do well this year, so I could maybe get a scholarship, hopefully for creative writing. I don't care which college I go to, just as long as I get a good education. I just don't want to have my dad pay more than what he has to.